Katekyo Hitman ED!
by The Mauve Lantern
Summary: Eddward Carson is a 15-year-old recluse, who only leaves his room to go to classes. His new tutor from the mafia might just be able to turn his life around! Rated T for violence and gun use
1. Target 1: That ED From Italy

Disclaimer: Reborn! is copyrighted by Akira Amano; Ed, Edd n' Eddy are owned by Danny Antonucci. Everything else is MINE!

Katekyo Hitman ED!

By The Mauve Lantern

Target 1: That ED from Italy

_Somewhere in Italy…_

As nighttime falls across the underside of a city, two men are sitting in a seedy bar, talking to each other as they drink.

One man turns to the other, and says, "I've heard that the boss's health is getting worse and worse. It won't be long now."

"I've heard that too," replies the second man, "But that old man is strong. It will be a few years yet, until-"

"Ciao."

The two men look over to the door, as another man walks into the bar. He wears a black fedora adorned with a lizard of some sort, a black pinstripe suit, and a slick pair of shoes. His hair sticks out from under his hat, spiky on the back and curly out the sides.

"Ah, it's Reborn," says the first man, "Looks like you were called in by the old man again."

The second man laughs a little, takes a drag from a cigarette, and says, "It must be tough, being so popular! Going to Rome next? Venice?"

Reborn smiles, and replies, "L'America."

Both men gasp and are taken aback; it's happening already?

"The old man finally must have made up his mind!" says the first man in surprise.

Reborn bows his head, walks out of the bar, looks up into the night sky, and says, "Looks like it's going to be a long journey…

_Somewhere in the United States of America…_

A group of boys are playing basketball, and playing hard. The game has been going on for a while; it started at 3 pm, and it's currently 5 pm. The boys are obviously exhausted, and it shows when one boy gets hit in the face with the ball.

"Geez, Kyle, watch it!"

"Well next time, pay attention to the BALL!"

However, our main character is not with these boys, but rather, he is five stories above, in a dormitory room directly over the basketball court. He's sitting at his desk, currently working on a toothpick model of the Golden Gate Bridge; he's been working on it all day, and he's nearly done.

He is Eddward Carson, the top student of Peach Creek Academy. Eddward, or 'Double D' as the teachers call him, is number one in all his classes, has never been late for a class, and never fails to turn in an assignment. His clothing is simple: everyday, he wears the school uniform, plus a skullcap; at night, he wears a sweatshirt, sweatpants, socks and his skullcap. A protégé, Eddward is equally skilled in all things scientific and mathematical.

"Almost there…and…perfect!" Eddward lays the final toothpick in place, pumped his fists in the air, and slumped back in his chair. "Hoo! That winded me a little!"

See, Eddward has a slight medical condition: he is incredibly weak, physically. He was born with weak heart, which keeps him from playing the games that other kids do, and keeps him essentially chained to his room. This has made him extremely cautious, and forces him to clean things multiple times and do everything precisely. To the other students, this resembles obsessive-compulsive disorder; to the teachers, it makes him the most polite student. Not to mention, Eddward refuses to leave his room for anything except class, for fear of getting sick or having to socialize with others.

Eddward takes some breaths to get his air back, and then takes a glance out his window at the game. The game's ended and one of the players has been left behind to clean up the court. "Poor fellow…I'd help him, but I wouldn't be able to get out there in time." says Eddward to himself.

Eddward looks out the window again and stares at the students passing below. "Of course, I can't leave here except to go to classes." He sighs in despair, but continues to gaze out the window. "If only I could go outside…if only I-" the boy pauses as he sees a familiar face pass below his window.

A blonde girl passes by on the ground below, talking with a few of her friends. She is Nazz Williams, a 16-year-old girl from Eddward's chemistry class that he has taken a liking to.

"There she goes," says the lonely boy, "My chem. lab angel, heheh."

Nazz smiles and laughs at something her friend says, and stops below her window, her smile still there. "She's so radiant, and her smile is to die for!" In his head, Eddward makes a mental picture of that smile; truly, it is one of the few things that keep his hopes up.

Suddenly, another student invades his picture: Jason Todd, Nazz's fellow student council member and the president of the boxing club. Jason waves to the smiling girl, who gets up to greet him, and then leaves her spot under Eddward's window.

Frowning, Eddward closes the blinds in his window. "Of course, she's dating the president of the boxing club, so what chance does someone like me have with a goddess like her?"

"Eddward, now why would you think that?"

The boy spins around in his chair to face the young woman in his doorway: May Kanker. May is a student aide who keeps an eye on Eddward, and has been by his side ever since he was little. She is sixteen-years-old, has long blonde hair, and was made Eddward's aide after she asked the Dean; after years of being by his side, May had taken it upon herself to help the sickly boy.

Eddward grasps at his heart, and says, "May, don't do that! You know that I don't do well with surprises!"

May smirks and walks over to the boy, saying, "I know, but you're so cute when you get spooked."

"Yes, well, you still shouldn't do that." Once he settled down again, Eddward asked May, "By the way, how long have you been standing there?"

The sneaky girl continues to smirk, and says, "Long enough to know that you have a crush on a girl."

"But…I didn't….where are you…I'm not…"

"It's okay, Double D! I couldn't be happier for you!" May bends down to give him a hug, and says, "It's just a sign that you're growing up. And I'm glad it's finally happening." When she sees that Eddward has a look of confusion on his face, she says, "It means I can stop taking care of you soon!"

Eddward's face turns sullen, and replies, "But I don't want you to leave, May! I need you."

May, noticing that she has made her friend sad, tries to alleviate the situation by saying, "Double D, it was bound to happen someday. Someday, I'm not going to be there for you; at that point in your life, you're going to choose whether to live your life like a hospital patient, or live it like a man. I want you to be able live saying, 'I can make it on my OWN!'"

The boy wasn't listening to her, however, and wheeled his chair over to his bookshelf out of embarrassment.

Seeing as Eddward wasn't listening anymore, May gives a huff of frustration, puts her hands on her hips, and says, "Anyway, you have a psychiatrist coming today."

This catches his interest. Another psychiatrist? What could this one do that others hadn't?

May smiles to herself, knowing that she had regained Eddward's attention. "Yeah, the Dean says that this guy will definitely help you better fit into society. Maybe he'll even help you get that doctor job you want…"

Ever since he was a child, Eddward wanted to be a doctor; he wanted to be able to help those like himself, who were born with rare conditions. To do this, he needed to know many, many things, chief among them: how to interact with others. Who knows, maybe this guy could help him after all.

But still, for one to just show up out of the blue like this was unusual. "I'm not sure about this, May," says Eddward. "This guy could be a scam artist for all we know!"

"Puh-leeze, Double D. The Dean met this guy and everything; just give him a chance!"

Before they can go any further, they are interrupted by a small voice saying, "Ciaosup."

Eddward and May stare at the doorway, where a small child stands. He wears a black hat with a lizard on it, a black suit, and has a yellow pacifier around his neck. His hair sticks out from under the hat, and he carried a metal suitcase in his hand.

"I'm sorry I'm a little early. I always like to do a little bit of a first assessment when it comes to my patients."

May walks over to the little boy, bends down so that she almost saw him eye-to-eye, and asks, "Um, excuse me but, who are you?"

"Oh, pardon my rudeness." The little boy smiles, and says, "I'm Reborn, the psychiatrist."

Both of the students recoil in shock. _This_ was the psychiatrist?

"What was the Dean thinking?!" cries May. "How can a baby be a psychiatrist?!"

Eddward scoots his chair over to Reborn, and says, "Mister…Reborn, was it? It's nice to meet you, but I'm not sure that you can do anything to help me!"

Reborn looks at the boy and asks, "You're Eddward, right?"

"Yes."

Reborn extends his hand, and says, "We should probably start immediately. You seem like a desperate case."

A look of confusion crossed Eddward's face. What could he mean by 'desperate'?

Turning to May, the infant tells her, "Pardon me, signora; I must get started with the patient."

"Oh, um…" May wasn't sure about this baby; something seemed off about him. "Well, okay. Double D, are you going to be all right?"

Eddward looks up at May, smiles and says, "I'm sure we'll be fine, May. You needn't worry about a thing."

May sighs, and says, "All right, but don't try doing anything to big." As she walks out the door, she tells her friend, "If you need me, just hit the buzzer, okay?"

It is Eddward's turn to smirk as he replies, "Weren't you just telling me how you didn't want to be taking care of me forever?"

"Whatever, Double D." With that, May gives the door a light slam.

Reborn walks over to the shut door, opens his briefcase, and removes a strange tool. While Eddward looks at him in confusion, the well-dressed infant takes the tool and jams it into the lock on the door.

"What did you just do?" asks a bewildered Eddward.

"I broke the lock so that she doesn't come back and interrupts us."

Why break the lock? Why wouldn't he want to be interrupted? What is WITH this kid?! All these questions were floating through Eddward's head, as he stares at Reborn.

"It's just a little trick I learned from my line of work," says the infant in question, "I'm an assassin for the mafia."

The infant flips open his case and begins to remove parts from it. "And I'm not really a psychiatrist," he says as he starts assembling something. He finally puts together a sniper rifle, and says, with a smile on his face, "My real job is to make you into a mafia boss!" He adds emphasis to his last statement by cocking the rifle.

"A…mafia boss?! But who-"

"Sent me? A certain man assigned me to train you for your role as the next great mafia boss."

"Um…are you sure that you have the right person?"

Reborn aims the gun at Eddward's head, and says, "Shall I shoot you once?"

Eddward begins to panic, and cries out, "H-Hey, put that th-thing AWAY!"

Reborn lowers the rifle, thinks for a moment, and says, "No…now would not be prudent. Perhaps later."

The two boys stare at each other for a full two minutes, until Reborn's stomach growls. He takes his gun apart, puts the parts back in his suitcase, and says, "Arrivederci." The infant removes the tool from the door, opens it, and shuts it on his way out.

As his heartbeat slows down, Eddward lays back in his chair. That was…strange, to say the least. But, at least that odd baby was gone now. He rolled his chair over to his desk, hit the buzzer on his desk, and asks, "May, could you bring me something to eat? I'm a little hungry." However, no reply came through.

"May, are you there?"

She didn't say anything, and now Eddward was worried. May would always answer by the second buzz. He decides that he would have to investigate for himself, so he gets out of his chair, and exits his room.

Thankfully, May didn't live that far down the hall, so it wasn't too difficult for Eddward to see her, or vice-versa. He knocks on the door, and asks, "May, are you there?" She isn't answering so he turns to leave, but stops when he hears the sound of lasers and spaceships.

Of course! That was the only time that May didn't pick up: when she was playing a video game! Eddward checks the doorknob, and, finding that it's unlocked, enters her dorm room. He ses that her back is turned, and that she is playing a game with someone else, someone he can't see.

"May?" This causes the girl to spin around in her chair and face her friend.

"Oh, hey Double D! I was just playing a game; did you need anything?"

Good old May. "I just wanted to know if you could fix me something to eat."

"Sure thing! Do you want a sandwich? I made one for Reborn, so-"

"Wait, Reborn? He's still here?"

Sure enough, the other chair swivels around to face Eddward, and the infant hitman is sitting in the chair, a game controlled in on hand and a sandwich in the other.

"Didn't I tell you? Reborn will be living at the school until he's sure that you are cured!"

"Surely you must be joking!"

May puts her hands on her hips and scowls at Eddward, saying, "Double D, you really should give him a chance! Reborn's pretty cool, and he's got these great stories about the mafia!"

Eddward sighs in defeat, and grumbles, "Fine, we'll keep talking in my room."

Smiling, May starts making Eddward's sandwich, and says, "Now that's more like it! I'll have your sandwich ready in a minute."

Once back in the safety of his room, Eddward faces Reborn, and asks, "So how is an infant like you an assassin for the mafia?"

"In due time, you'll find out that mafia employs _anyone_ if they have any talent. Even someone like you, Edd, can become something incredible."

Something incredible, hmm? "That would be nice," thinks Eddward, "Maybe then, I wouldn't need to spend all my days in this room."

Eddward glances out the window again, and he blushes as he sees HER again. The sickly boy stars intently out the window at Nazz as she stops below the window to get her ID card out of her purse, and then enters the building.

"Ahh, Nazz…" he says in a daze. "If only you knew who I was."

"You want to meet that girl, right?" Eddward remembers his 'psychiatrist', and sees that Reborn is smirking at him.

"Oh no, I could never…I just can't…it's just not…"

Reborn keeps smiling, and says, "I can help you meet her, you know."

"Y-You can?" This was great! Maybe Reborn could help him after all!

"I'm positive. All you have to do is walk with me."

Eddward looks at Reborn and asks, "Walk? Wait, you mean…"

"Yes, you're leaving this room to meet her."

"I can't do that! I don't leave this room other than to go to classes or see May! Nothing else!"

Reborn takes the older boy's hand and says, "Consider this your first step to becoming a great mafia boss."

Eddward thinks for a moment, and then gets out his chair. He walks over to his closet, puts on a pair of slippers, and lets Reborn lead him out of his room.

As they walk, Eddward asks his tutor, "You are sure that you can help me meet her?"

"Of course. I am a man of the people, after all."

Eddward thinks, and suddenly starts to panic, nearly shouting, "Wait! We don't know where she lives!"

Reborn looks up at his student and asks, "You mean you don't know where the girl of your dreams lives?"

"NO! What do you take me for, a pervert?!"

Seeing as Eddward won't settle down anytime soon, Reborn grabs his sweatshirt and pulls it down so that the taller boy is seeing eye to eye with him. "You need to calm down. Don't worry, I know where she is."

"You DO?!"

"Of course. See, I have this with me…" He reaches his hand into his jacket, and withdraws a piece of paper. Eddward takes it, looks at it, and calms down.

"Th-this is a map of the building…"

"Exactly," says Reborn. "An assassin always knows his environment like the back of his hand.

Wow. This kid is unbelievable! Eddward is amazed at the child next to him. And to think, he needs me to hold his hand for him.

Eddward stares at the paper and finds Nazz's name in a room marked 324.

"She's on the third floor, on the other side of the building."

"Well then, what are we doing standing around here? Let's go see her."

The pair walks in silence until they reach the elevator. Once they go inside and shut the doors, Reborn turns to Eddward, and says, "By the way, I usually do not hold hands with my students."

Eddward looks at his new teacher and replies, "Is that so?"

The infant nods, and says, "I am only treating you as a special case because you are so frail."

"I see…"

"Of course, we'll fix that, given time. Perhaps someday you'll have enough stamina to face my _real_ training."

"…Uh huh." This kid is serious about this, thinks Eddward.

For a few more seconds, they ride in silence, until Eddward asks, "Say, Reborn…"

"Yes, Edd?"

"Um, it's Eddward, and I have a question. What would you have done had I declined your offer?"

Reborn puts his finger to his chin as he thinks, until he replies, "I probably would have held your arm behind your back until you accepted me." He then looks up and gives a very insincere smile to his student, saying, "Of course, your arm might have snapped in three places, had I actually gone through with that."

Eddward gulped, and wondered if it was safer to let go of his tutor's hand. When he attempted to remove it, however, he found that Reborn had a tight grip on it.

"Nice try," the assassin infant says, "But you won't get away that easily."

The elevator finally reaches its destination, and the teacher-student duo steps out, and heads towards room 324.

As they walk to the room, Eddward looks down at his teacher as he starts to sweat from nervousness, and asks, "Um, R-Reborn? Can we please call this off? PLEASE?!"

"Now why would you do that, Edd?"

"Eddward, and I can't go through with this, Reborn! I have a weak constitution as it is! I wouldn't be able to handle the rejection if Nazz turns me down!"

Reborn pulls his student down to his eye level, and says, "Suck it up, Edd. If you are to be a mafia boss, you are going to have to learn how to talk with people, particularly women."

"But Reborn, PLEASE! I can't go through with this! And for the last time, MY NAME IS EDDWARD!"

The infant sighs and releases his student, "Eddward is not a very formidable mafia boss name. 'Edd', if you ask me, is much more suited for the 10th Vongola boss!"

"Stop avoiding the topic, Reborn! This meeting is destined to be a dejected, disturbing decrement in my teenage life!"

This time, Reborn decides not to respond to his cowardly apprentice, and just pulls him along, despite Eddward's feeble struggles.

Finally, they reach the door marked 324, and Eddward stands perfectly still, his body stiff and frozen. Reborn knocks on the door, and from within comes a voice that shouts, "Coming!" The door opens, revealing Nazz Williams wearing a pink pair of short-shorts and a tank top.

The blonde girl says, "Hi! Can I help you?"

Eddward starts to mumble incoherently under his breath, and his whole body begins shivering.

"Umm…are you okay, dude?" Nazz asks the sickly boy. "You don't look so good!"

A small voice from below answers the girl's question: "Oh, I can assure you, the boy is fine."

Nazz looks down at the ground and sees an infant wearing a fancy suit. She starts smiling, crouches down so she can see him better, and says, "Aww, how cute!"

"Ciaosup."

"Why are you wearing a suit, little dude?"

"Because I'm in the mafia, signora."

"Ah, how cute!"

Wait wait wait, Nazz _likes_, this psychopath?"

She gets back up, and says, "You have fun, okay? Bye now!"

Reborn gives a little wave with his hand as he replies, "Ciao, ciao."

Nazz shuts her door, without giving a second look at Eddward.

The infant looks up at his student, and says, "That's known as 'mafia-style'."

Eddward stares at Reborn and nearly shouts, "WHAT?!"

Both Eddward and Reborn make their trek down the hallway to the elevator, in stony silence. When they get on the elevator, the young assassin asks his student, "You're in love with that girl, aren't you Edd?"

The weak boy turns his head, and says under his breath, "It's none of your business."

"I've mastered the art of reading minds, so you couldn't hide it from me."

Eddward stomps his foot, and shouts, "THAT'S ENOUGH! I have had it with your insane methods and your questionable sanity! I want nothing to do with you, and I wish you would just go AWAY!"

Reborn smirks, as he takes Eddward's arm and holds it behind his back. "No." the infant says as he makes Eddward collapse to the ground.

"OWOWOWOWO, IGIVEUPIGIVEUP!"

The infant releases his student's arm, and asks, "I'm guessing that you haven't told her how you feel yet?"

Eddward gasps for breath, but replies, "Of huff course puff not. Nazz is the school sweetheart; I'm a recluse who only leaves his room for classes. I could never tell her how I feel!"

Reborn chuckles, and says, "That's quite the optimistic attitude you have there."

"Oh be quiet."

Reborn reaches into his pocket, saying, "I suppose it's time to use _it_."

What could this baby be doing?

The baby in question removes a handgun, and cocks it, saying, "Die."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

"Th-that's a toy, right, Reborn?"

Reborn continues to point the gun straight at Eddward. "Just die once; that's all it takes."

Eddward begins to panic, and scrambles out of the elevator in a futile effort to get away from his insane teacher, screaming, "What are you doing?! Why do I have to die?!"

The hitman gives a big grin to his student, and says, "You'll know what I mean when you die!"

Eddward fell to the floor, scooting himself up against the wall. Nowhere to run.

BANG! And the deed is done. Eddward falls to the ground, a stream of blood coming from his forehead.

--

Hey guys! Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger like this, but I couldn't help myself! HAHAHAHAHA!

For anyone asking, I made May the way she is because I wanted to give her a bigger role. She'll be featured very prominently in the future.

Here, Reborn is combining the Italian greeting, "Ciao", with the American greeting, "Wassup".


	2. Target 1, Continued

Katekyo Hitman ED!

By The Mauve Lantern

Target 1, Part 2: That ED from Italy, continued

_Reborn continues to point the gun straight at Eddward. "Just die once; that's all it takes."_

_Eddward begins to panic, and scrambles out of the elevator in a futile effort to get away from his insane teacher, screaming, "What are you doing?! Why do I have to die?!"_

_The hitman gives a big grin to his student, and says, "You'll know what I mean when you die!"_

_Eddward falls to the floor, and scoots himself up against the wall. Nowhere to run._

_BANG! And the deed is done. Eddward falls to the ground, a stream of blood coming from his forehead…_

As he falls to the ground, Eddward feels regret. "I'm, I'm going to die now," he thinks to himself, "I'm leaving this world. What a pity; if I had felt then what I feel now, I might have spoken to Nazz Williams. I should have told her how I felt…in desperation."

Eddward's body hits the ground, a pool of blood forming from the bullet hole in his head, while Reborn stands over the body, a stoic look on his face. While there was no one in the hallway before hand, people begin to poke their heads out of their rooms to see what that sound was. A girl screams when she sees Eddward's unmoving body lying on the ground, and all the students' heads turn in that direction.

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"Is that kid all right?"

"Was that a GUN just now?!"

May Kanker looks out from her room, and sees the body of her best friend on the ground in a crumpled heap. She cries out, "DOUBLE D!" and rushes over to the body; finding him unresponsive, the girl cradles his head in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

Unbeknownst to her, something is happening to Eddward's body: a bump appears on his chest, and begins to grow bigger and bigger, until…

BOOM! The boy's torso explodes, and out comes…Eddward? But wait, something is wrong with him: his eyes are pure white, and there is a flame in the center of his forehead, where the bullet hole was; what's even odder is the fact that he is now clad only in his boxers and skull cap.

May looks at the strange figure, and whispers, "D-Double D?"

Eddward shouts out, "REEEEEEEEBBORRRRRRRRRRNNNNN!!" and clenches his fists as he declares, "I shall tell Nazz Williams how I FEEL!!"

Some of the kids ask each other, "What just happened?"

"Is this, like, practice for a play?"

Eddward looks down at himself, and asks, "Why am I half-naked?!" Then he jumps out of discarded body, shouting, "Who CARES?! I HAVE TO GO SEE NAZZ!!" and pries open the elevator door. Seeing no elevator, the boy cries out, "GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" and throws himself down the elevator shaft.

All the while, Reborn is smiling to himself, saying, "It's deathperation time."

Two students, Wendy Tyler and Marvin White, are riding the elevator to the lobby, where they're going to meet their friends for dinner.

Marvin asks Wendy, "Did you feed the dog before we left?"

"Of course I did; it amazes me how much that dog can eat though! The amount he eats, you'd think he'd be big enough to eat _us_ at this point!"

"Geez, Wendy, overreact much?"

Suddenly, the elevator shakes violently; something has crashed onto the top of the machine.

"What was that, Marvin?!"

"I don't know!"

As if to answer her question, a fist crashes through the ceiling right above Wendy's head. She screams, and runs over to Marvin's side of the elevator; they both stare in fear at the sight before them. The fist becomes a hand, and the hand grabs onto a piece of the ceiling, ripping it off; a manic boy jumps into the elevator, and asks the two, "WHAT FLOOR IS THIS GOING TO?!"

Marvin fearfully replies, "Th-the l-l-lobby…"

The boy stomps his foot and shouts, "NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!" then jumps back through the hole he just made.

Marvin and Wendy dash over to the hole in the ceiling, and see that the boy has begun to climb the elevator shaft with his bare hands. Both of them stare at the spectacle, and Marvin says, "Hot damn…"

Eddward climbs the shaft, using only his bare hands, saying "This…won't…stop…ME!!"

He reaches the door of the third floor, and, grabbing onto it with both hands, punches a hole in the door and rips it open. Leaping out of the shaft, Eddward heads off to Nazz's room; upon finding it, he bangs on it violently.

Nazz opens the door saying, "What is i-" but stops when she sees the guy in front of her.

"NAZZ WILLIAMS! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, AND YOU NEED TO GO OUT WITH ME!!"

Unfortunately for Eddward, Nazz screams and slaps him across the face, then slams the door and locks it. Spurned and rejected, Eddward runs back down the hall to the elevator, where Jason Todd stands.

"Hey, you!" he asks Eddward, "Did you do this?!"

Eddward punches Todd right in the face, shouting, "OUTTA MY WAY, JERK!!" and jumps into the elevator shaft, climbing up to the fifth floor.

Jason picks himself off the floor and shouts up the elevator, "You won't get away with this! You'll be sorry you ever messed with a class rep!"

Finally reaching the fifth floor, Eddward rips open the doors of the elevator shaft, and leaps out into the hallway. No one is there anymore, not even Eddward's "body"; the hall is completely empty.

The boy suddenly feels ill, and collapses onto the ground. The flame on his forehead dissipates, and his eyes return to normal; in just a few seconds, Eddward has reverted to his normal state, with only a scorch mark on his forehead.

Eddward realizes what has just happened, and begins to panic. "Oh no!" he thinks to himself, "I confessed my feelings for Nazz! She must think of me as a stalker or a pervert!"

"The state of deathperation lasts only five minutes; after that, you return to normal." The voice of the infant hitman Reborn brings Eddward back to reality.

Suddenly, Eddward begins feeling like there is something in his nasal cavity; plugging one nostril, he blows out with the other one. Out comes a golden bullet.

"W-wait, a BULLET?! You _actually_ shot me in the head?!"

"Absolutely," the baby replies, "This bullet is the deathperation bullet." He takes it from Eddward's hand, and holds it up to show the boy.

"Any person shot with this bullet will be reborn in the state of deathperation after dying."

Eddward asks, "W-What's 'deathperation'?"

"Deathperation is the action that occurs when you have any regrets after you die."

For further emphasis, Reborn holds up a picture of Eddward, dead, saying, "I should have done this…" and Eddward, in deathperation, shouting, "I WILL DO THIS!!"

"So, what would have happened if I had no regrets?"

Reborn smiles and starts walking back to the room. "Well, it _is _a bullet…"

"You mean I would have DIED?!"

Just now, Eddward realizes how cold he feels; looking down, he realizes that he is only in his boxers. "Good lord, I'm indecent!" he says as he races back to his room.

Once back in the safety of his room, Eddward begins to shout at Reborn, "Do you realize what you've done?! I can't leave this room again, and I'll never be able to look Nazz in the eye for the rest of my life!"

He grabs the infant hitman and shakes him, saying, "I never wanted to confess to her anyway!"

"You mean you wanted to, but you couldn't, right?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

Reborn grabs Eddward's wrists and flips over his head, throwing him onto the bed. "Owwww," says the sickly boy, "Why does this hurt, when I crashed into an _elevator _earlier?!"

"You were deathperate that time. See, deathperation means your body is in a state where all the safety mechanisms are switched off; so in exchange for risking your life by breaking your limits, you become the bearer of massive strength."

Eddward snaps his fingers and says, "I get it! It's like potential strength, right?"

"But wait!" he shouts, "I've never heard of such a weapon!"

Reborn sits down in Eddward's desk chair and tells him, "The deathperation shot is a specialty of the Vongola family, passed down from generation to generation."

"The Vongola family?"

"Right. I was assigned by the 9th boss of the Vongola family to come to America and prepare you as a mafia boss!"

Eddward thinks to himself, "This child is insane, although I did just go through deathperation…"

Reborn continues by saying, "The 9th boss is getting old, and so has begun to make plans on passing the torch of the Vongolas to the 10th generation." He removes three pictures from his pocket, and shows them to Eddward one by one.

"But the top choice, Enrico, was shot in a feud with a rival family." He shows a picture of a dead man clutching a gun in his hands as blood pours from body.

"EEEK!"

Reborn holds up another picture, this one of a drowned man whose feet are in cement. "The second choice, Matsumo, now sleeps with the fishes…"

"GOOD LORD!"

"And the favorite son of the Vongola, Freddie, went missing a few weeks ago. All we could find of him," he holds up the last picture, "were the bones."

Eddward is now covering his eyes, and screaming, "NO MORE! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH!"

"So you see, Edd," Reborn says as he puts the pictures away, "The only candidate for the position of 10th is you."

"But…how is that possible?!"

"The Vongola family's first boss, Giotto, retired early and immigrated to America; that man, Edd, was your great-great-great-grandfather, so you blood-related and thus an honorary candidate for the position."

"Reborn, how come I've never heard any of this?"

The infant begins removing his clothing and pulling on a pair of pajamas, saying, "Don't worry, I'll make you into a fine mafia boss."

"You're crazy!" Eddward shouts, "There's no way I'd ever become a-"

"I'm going to sleep now; if you wake me up, I'll kill you, so be careful."

Eddward notices that Reborn has set up two grenades attached to a string right next to Eddward's bed.

"Wait just a minute: you are forbidden from setting up traps in my room! And don't you dare sleep in my bed, mister!

_The next day…_

Eddward walks to his Chemistry class in dread, not unlike a prisoner walking to the gallows; what he doesn't know is that _his_ fate is probably worse.

"Oh dear, how am going to deal with this mess Reborn made?" the nervous boy asks himself. "And what if I see N-Nazz?!"

He opens the door to the classroom, and immediately all the guys in the room pounce on him.

"Look, it's that weirdo from Cornerstone!"

"No, no, it's Captain Underpants, HAHA!"

"How was the confession for you?!"

"I hear Todd wants to beat the crap out of ya!"

The worst comment comes from a boy who is standing near Nazz, and shouts, "I hear she slapped you across the face!" Nazz isn't even looking in Eddward's direction, and simply stares at her desk.

"Good Lord," Eddward thinks to himself, "They all know!"

When he runs out of the room, he is confronted by a group of guys wearing boxing gear. Two boys come up to him, and one of them says, "Where do ya think you're going, stalker?"

"Captain Todd is waiting for you in the wrestling ring!"

The boxing team members grab Eddward, and hoist him onto their shoulders, his feeble struggle in vain.

"W-w-wait! Y-y-you don't understand, this is all a mistake!"

All of the students in the chemistry class run out of the room, and follow the boxers to the gym.

"Oh man, that kid's gonna get clobbered!"

"Let's go watch!"

"C'mon, hurry!"

Nazz remains at her desk, until her friend Cindy grabs her wrist and says, "Y'know, Todd's gonna beat that guy into the ground for what he did to you yesterday!"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah yeah, I remember him saying, "I won't forgive that monster who made Nazz scream in terror!" HAHA!"

Nazz tries to make a proper explanation, saying, "He just said that because he's another class rep, that's all!"

Her other friend in the class, Dee-Dee, tells her, "Aww, Nazz, there's no need to make excuses!"

"Yeah," Cindy says, "It's just a guy thing; it's what they do!" She pushes Nazz out of the room, shouting, "Let's watch!"

Apparently, news travels fast at Peach Creek Academy, as the entire gym floor has been filled with spectators, all of whom are sophomores. Eddward is shocked at how many people are here to observe his beating, but that shock is replaced by fear when he sees a _very_ pissed off Jason Todd in the center of the boxing ring, dressed for a fight.

"There you are, you perverted stalker!" he says with righteous fury. "God may forgive twisted pieces of crap like you, but I won't; I shall smite you down with my own two fists!"

Eddward begins to panic, and tries to worm his way out of the fight by saying, "Oh please, I didn't mean to-"

"Don't worry," Todd barks with a snarl on his face, "The rules for the fight are so simple, even a creep like you has a shot at winning. From what I hear, you've never boxed before; so if you can land a hit on me, you win!"

"The prize, of course, is NAZZ WILLIAMS!" he shouts as he points his glove at her.

Nazz sputters in indignation, screaming out, "PR-PRIZE?!"

"What a jerk." Cindy says.

While Cindy and Dee-Dee try to subdue Nazz, so that she doesn't kill Jason, the boxer begins chuckling darkly to himself.

"I'm the favored to win in this fight," he says to himself, "There's no chance in hell of that psycho winning! The shorts and gloves Eddward Carson has to wear have been weighted down to the point that it takes two of my strongest guys to carry them! The judge is also one of my pals, so he won't declare a hit no matter WHAT that hat-wearing lunatic does, heheheheh…"

When he looks at where Eddward should be, he discovers that his opponent is no longer there! "Wait, where's Carson?"

"He said he had to use the bathroom, so we let him go."

The news of Eddward's departure begins circulating around the students:

"So, wait, he ran off to the bathroom? Really?"

"No doubt."

"That's just like a coward."

Jason takes advantage of shouting, "Then it's settled: I AM THE WINNER BY DEFAULT! NAZZ IS MINE!"

A couple of guys near him begin to question Todd's abilities as an upper-classman.

Meanwhile, out in the hall, Eddward is shuffling along with his tail hung between his legs. He thinks to himself, "And thus another mark is made in the history my pathetic life."

"Well, it's for the best," he says as he stretches his arms above his head, "I couldn't win anyways."

Suddenly, his foot becomes ensnared in a rope trap, and he is swept off his feet and into the air by none other than the infant hitman Reborn!

"Ciaosup."

"REBORN, PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?!"

"I'm making sure you are behaving as a mafia boss should. It's a hassle," he notes with a smile, "but don't worry about it. You and me, we've got something special."

"What on Earth do you mean, "special"?! I'm just a boy who wants to be left alone!"

"You misunderstand," Reborn says as he fishes through his pocket, "We've got that special bond between a hitman," he pulls out his rifle, "and his target."

Eddward panics again, "Wait, Hold on-"

CLICK! "Die." BANG!

While dying, Eddward begins to feel that emotion of regret again. "I'm dying now…I'm leaving this plane of existence…What a waste.

"If I were desperate, I probably could have beaten Upper-Classman Todd in a fight…

"…I'll do it…I'm going to do it!!"

BOOM! "REBORN!!" shouts the resurrected Eddward, half-naked once again. "No matter what," he shouts, "I WILL GET ONE POINT!!"

He zooms back to the gym, crying out, "RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!" When he reaches the gym, he throws the doors open and shouts out, "I'M READY!! LET'S FIGHT!!"

All eyes turn to him, as Todd snarls at the loss of his immediate victory, Nazz at the sight of that strange boy again, and all the students at the now-Reborn Eddward Carson.

"Woah!"

"AAAHH! It's the perv!"

"Aaawwweeesssooommmeee!"

The two guys holding Eddward's gear struggle to lift it, saying, "H-Here's your gear…", but Eddward just rushes past them.

"I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' GEAR!!"

Crowd gasps at the strange boy's decision: no gloves, no mouth guard, and no gym shorts?!

"He must be out of his mind!" one student says, nailing the situation in the head.

His opponent charging at him, Todd bursts into laughter, crying out, "BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Only an idiot would run into a boxing fight half-naked!" He raises his fist to strike, and shouts, "You think I'm gonna hold back?! Take this, jackass!"

He brings his fist down, and nails Eddward right in the head; however, the flame on his forehead grows with intensity as he begins to push back. Pushing with all his might, he knocks Todd's fist away and head-butts him square in the forehead.

Nazz watches Eddward in awe, amazed at how such a small guy can use such power; the entire crowd is left speechless at what has unfolded.

Jason Todd hits the mat, thoroughly unconscious, but his opponent is not done yet. Eddward leaps into the air, and slams down onto Todd and straddles his torso as the crowd gasps in unison.

"Mounting position?!"

"What's that kid gonna do?!"

Eddward brings his hand into the air…

"It's a karate chop!"

"He's gonna bitch-slap Todd!"

…and he brings his hand down with another war cry, "RRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!" and it connects with Todd's head.

Jason screams in pain, and all the crowd is silent at what has just happened. The kids in the back try to get a better view, while Nazz stands speechless.

Eddward throws his hand in the air, a large clump of Jason's hair in his fist. "I JUST GOT ONE HUNDRED POINTS!!" he shouts at the partially-bald Todd.

The students gasp, and are silent for a few seconds, until…

"WOO-HOOO! AWESOME, EDDWARD!"

"Hey, he never said _how _to get a point!"

Eddward flashes the clump of hair at the judge, and shouts, "HOW'S THIS?!" and the judge recoils in terror. The deathperate boy turns back to his opponent and cries out, "SCREW IT!!" and proceeds to rip out even more of Todd's hair, terrifying the crowd to no end.

"HOLY #!, is that really Eddward?!"

"That dude is scary, man…"

At last, Jason's head hits the mat, every hair on his head removed; Eddward shows the giant pile of hair to the judge, and shouts, "Here's all of it!!"

The judge nervously takes Eddward's arm, and raises it into the air, saying, "T-T-The winner…"

While Nazz stares at the victor, all the students begin to whisper, "He won…he actually won!"

The flame of deathperation fades on Eddward's head, and he returns to his normal, wimpy self.

"AMAZING!"

"HE WON!"

Every student in the gym rushes into the ring, wanting to speak with the victor.

"That was insane, but you were awesome!"

"What a guy!"

"That was incredible to watch!"

"Dude, I will totally respect you from now on!"

Eddward looks at his hands, and thinks to himself, "I did it? With this "deathperation" thing, I was able to beat someone like Jason Todd?"

He looks around at all his admirers, and thinks "Unbelievable, I'm the center of attention!" but the sound of a sweet voice brings him back to reality.

"Eddward."

"Oh no," the boy thinks, "It's Nazz; she's probably mad about yesterday!"

He turns to face Nazz, who is giggling and says, "I'm really sorry for slapping you and slamming the door on you."

"Oh, that's um…"

"Yeah, my friends are always telling me that I can't take a joke."

Eddward, in his head, is screaming, "SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE?!"

Nazz's smile crosses her face as she tells Eddward, "You're incredible, Double D! You're, like, not some average dude!"

Taken aback by Nazz's compliment, Eddward gets to thinking about Reborn. "Is this all that kid's doing? The things that baby says and does are completely insane, but if it weren't for him, this wouldn't be possible!"

At the gym doors, Reborn smiles, and walks back to Eddward's room.

Eddward did not go back to his room until 7:30 that evening, a new record for him. He had spent the day chatting with people in his grade, being treated to lunch and dinner by his classmates, and having long conversations with Nazz! Now, however, he just wanted to get back to his computer and catch up on his schoolwork.

As he walks down the hall to his room, Eddward is stopped by the sight of May, who is leaning against the wall next to his door.

"So," she says with a smirk, "Did you have fun today?"

"Oh, May, you have no idea! I feel like I know so much more about the world now! There are so many interesting people in our grade, did you know that?"

May laughs, and tells him, "I'm glad you had a nice day."

"Well, I'm tired, and I need to work on my homework, so-"

"Now, what's this I hear about a "fight"?"

Oh, that's right; May didn't know about the fight…

She reaches out, grabs Eddward and pins him against the wall, saying, "Listen to me, Eddward Carson," when she refers to him by his full name, that's usually a bad sign, "I don't ever want to hear about you getting into a fight again, do you hear me?!"

"But, May-"

"NO BUTS!" She then pulls him into a tight hug, and starts to cry, "I don't want to have to hear about you being hurt again…not after what happened last time."

Eddward returns the hug, and whispers, "It'll be all right, May." He then pulls away from her, and says, "Besides, this is all part of Reborn's tutoring!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. It certainly helped me feel better about myself, I'll tell you that!" Then Eddward gives May a big smile, gives her another hug and says, "Everything's going to be a-okay, got it?"

"Yeah…yeah, ok!"

Eddward then lets go of his friend, says goodbye, and enters his room. May stares at the door, wipes her tears away with her hand, and asks, "Double D, you're not a kid anymore, are you?"

In the sanctity of his room, Eddward sets his backpack down and sees that his tutor is already in bed, sound asleep. "I'll try not to disturb him."

The boy tiptoes over to his bed, but accidentally catches his foot on a certain string. Hearing the sound of the pins come out of the grenades, Edd says, "Oh dear!" and…

BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Edd's room is blown to pieces and takes out a chunk of the ceiling with it; through that hole in the ceiling, Reborn floats gently back down to the remains of the room via a parachute.

Crawling out from what used to be the fourth wall of his room, Edd coughs, and declares, "That's it; I'm never becoming a mafia boss!"


	3. Target 2: The Deathperation Shot

Katekyo Hitman ED!

By The Mauve Lantern

Target 2: The Deathperation Shot Won't ED?!

_The Mafia Boss is a leader of the criminal syndicate. With an army of loyal men, ready to give their lives for the sake of the family, he does everything in his power to protect the people. Surrounded by the respect and admiration of all the people, he is viewed as a hero by the children who live in the slums._

"Oh, is that so?" a sharply-dressed infant asks as he cocks a handgun and aims it at a young man's head.

"You're the one forcing me to read this, Reborn!" the young man replies, showing Reborn the book he was reading: The History of the Mafia. He doesn't want to die today.

The baby, called Reborn, puts the gun away, and says, "Read it every morning, Double D. You need to, if you are to become the 10th boss of the Vongola family."

Double D places the book on his bed and tells his 'psychiatrist', "Haven't you listened to a word I've said?! I'm never going to become a Mafia Boss!"

"You don't need to worry about a thing," Reborn says as he gets up on Double D's desk, "I'll take care of things for now."

As he starts assembling a shotgun in front of his 'patient', Double D can't help but shout, "How can I NOT be worried!?"

Hello, my name is Eddward Carson, although my friends call me Double D; and by friends, I mean my friend May, my...other friend, Nazz, and my psychotic tutor Reborn. Up until a few days ago, that list only had one name on it: May.

May Kanker has been by my side ever since we were little, and has always been watching my back. I guess she still feels guilty for that one incident…but that's a thing of the past, and 

something I shouldn't delve into right now. Needless to say, she has always been like a big sister to me, and I've relied on her for many things over the years.

See, I'm not really what you would call "normal": I have always been a rather sickly person, I'm socially inept, and I am close to obsessive-compulsive when it comes to cleanliness. That's why I had, until recently, never left my room except to go to my classes. I've never had to leave, as my room is almost a small apartment, with its own bathroom and kitchen (although May does the grocery shopping for me) and everything else I could need. I was mostly comfortable with this hermit life, until things changed…

A few days ago, this small child had come up to my room claiming to be a psychiatrist; in reality, he was a hitman for the mafia, and he was there to train me for the position of 10th boss of the Vongola family. I didn't want that, but Reborn did offer me something I never would have done without his assistance: the chance to speak with Nazz Williams, the girl of-I mean, girl from my chemistry class! Yes, girl from my chemistry class.

Anyway, Reborn shot me (yes, shot me), in the head with this special bullet that allowed me to enter this trance-like state where I was able to overcome my anxieties about communication, and I asked Nazz to go out with me.

One thing led to another, and I had to fight this guy who also wanted to date her: Jason Todd. Now, I should have been killed the moment I set foot in that boxing ring, but I wasn't, thanks to the help of Reborn's bullet. I was given the strength I needed to take Todd down, and surprisingly, Nazz spoke with me afterwards! Granted, she thought I had been on drugs of some kind, but regardless, she thought I was awesome! ME!

And now that we've gotten the obligatory explanation out of the way, we can progress with the story at hand.

After having another argument with Reborn that morning, I fixed myself and May some breakfast. When we sat at the table, she poured some ketchup on her scrambled eggs and said, "So, got any plans for today?" She had been a little on the edge about me being in a boxing match without telling her, so she was keeping a wary eye on me.

"No plans as of yet, though I might check out the scene at the Student Recreation Center later on." This was something I had always wanted to do, but never got around to doing.

"Well," she said, "You let me know when you're going, okay? I don't need to hear about you collapsing because of something-or-other bothering you."

"Trust me," I said as I bit into a piece of sliced apple, "I will contact you about any plans this afternoon."

"Okay, Double D…"

I didn't think anything of it until much later, but I asked May, "Why have you been taking such an interest in what I do these days, May?"

She looked a little shocked, and said, "W-What do you mean, Double D?"

"Well, you've never kept this much of a vigilant eye on me: you want to know what I am going to do and what I did everyday; you've started having breakfast with me again; you're even texting me during the day to see if I'm all right!"

"C-Can't a girl look out for her stupid friend!? I mean, GEEZ, do I need a reason for everything I do?!"

"I suppose not, but-"

"But nothing! You've…changed a little in the past few days; I can't explain it. I just want to make sure that you're okay, all right? Nothing big." She cleared her plate, which was still half-full of eggs, and said, "Oh, my, look at the time! You've got to get to class! Here, I'll take your plate for you; you just get your stuff and get outta here, okay?"

I looked at my wristwatch, and gasped at the time. "Oh dear, I must be off!" I dashed off to my bedroom (I've never dashed anywhere before, either), grabbed my homework and ran for the door. Before I left, I shouted, "Bye, May! I'll see you later tonight!" and then I ran out the door.

I've noticed, over the past few days, that everyone's attitude has changed about me. Granted, most people didn't even know I existed; a few people thought I was a ghost or something, for heaven's sake! And to think, I owe it all to that creep, Jason Todd. I wonder if his hair has started growing back yet…

Some people waved to me on the way to my locker, some gave me a pat on the back, and some even cowered in fear of me. I'm still not entirely sure if that is a completely bad thing…

Now, everyone knows who I am; everyone thinks I'm either this really cool kid, or this completely unstable nut-job ready to kill someone at a moment's notice. But one way or the other, people respect me, something I've only gotten from teachers and May.

As if to emphasize this, a classmate of mine passed by me when I stopped at my locker and said, "'Sup, Double D?"

"Oh! Uh…morning!" It feels awkward, but at the same time, I'm happy about it too. If that's the case, perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to be shot with the deathperation shot more often!

I chuckled to myself, and thought, "Yeah, that'll be the day!"

Before I could head off to English class, I was stopped by the sound of someone calling my name.

"Oi, Carson!"

"Mo-Morning!"

I see that it's my classmate Lazlo Bane, a student who (supposedly) hails from South America. He's a very eager fellow, albeit a little on the naïve side; be that as it may, I always thought he was a nice guy, who gave each day his all. To be honest, that made me a little envious of him.

"I need to ask a BIG favor from you!" he said with his hands put together in a prayer-like state.

"A…favor, you say? From me?"

"The boys' volleyball club is playing today, but Samson is sick! I need you to play for us!"

To say I was shocked was the understatement of the year! Me, playing a SPORT!? "M-me?!" I managed to stammer out.

"You looked super-awesome when you beat Upper-Classman Todd! We need that strength!"

"Er, you see, that was…" That was a fluke, I wanted to say. For some reason, however, I just couldn't.

Lazlo got down on his knees and held his folded hands to the sky, begging, "C'mon, Double D; I'm beggin' ya! PLEASE! We REALLY want to win!"

What was I supposed to do? I had never played volleyball before, and I'd only seen it on TV. I figured out the rules easily enough, but playing it was another story.

"But," I thought at the time, "If I get shot with the deathperation shot, it'll probably work…"

I smiled nervously, and said, "Well…I suppose I can do it."

"Seriously?! If the champ that beat an upper-classman joins, we'll have nothing to fear!"

Wow, "champ"? I couldn't believe it; that's what people thought of me?

My smile grew with my confidence, and I declared, "Okay, just leave it to me!"

For a supposed "genius", I can make some pretty stupid decisions…

While Eddward was at school, May was taking a sick day. After breakfast had finished, she had checked her temperature, and discovered it was 102 degrees; so, she decided to take the day off. The blonde-haired girl sat in her room watching her favorite monster movies while she lay in her bed. She had the door locked, so imagine her surprise when she heard the voice of that bizarre, new psychiatrist of Edd's.

"Ciaosup."

May turned her head in the direction of the voice, and found that Reborn was standing on top of her dresser. "How did he do that?"

"Reborn!" she said, "What-how did you get in here?! The door's locked!"

"I have other ways of getting into a room, signora; don't doubt the abilities of a hitman."

Confused by the child's statement, May paused her game and asked, "What do you want? Can I getcha anything?"

Reborn shook his head and replied, "No, thank you. I just had something a little while ago." He picked up a picture that sat on May's dresser and examined it, saying, "I actually wanted to talk with you for a little while. You seemed somewhat off today at breakfast; I wanted to make sure there wasn't a problem."

"Oh, I was just feeling under the weather earlier. You don't need to worry about me, Reborn!"

"Actually, signora, I _do_."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

The infant turned the picture in his hands to May: it was a photo taken a few years ago, when Eddward had put together her 13th birthday party. It had been really fun, and her older sisters even showed up; how Eddward had found Lee was still a mystery.

May had felt a little depressed the week before, because she had found out that Lee had run off somewhere, and Marie was being particularly bitchy that week; to make matters worse, she had gotten sick on her birthday. Eddward knew that she had been going through a rough time, 

so he did all he could to make the situation right. That meant sending out invitations to all her friends, ordering decorations from a local party store, and hooking up a sound system that played all her favorite records. A week later, and several hours of planning later, May came home from classes to find that everybody she knew was in her dorm room; she was so happy, she burst into tears on the spot. She wrapped Eddward in a tight hug, and that was when Libby Folfax had taken a picture, the same picture Reborn now held.

"You see, May," Reborn said as he set the picture down, "Eddward thinks the world of you. You have been there for him for years, taking care of him and making sure that he is okay. You are like the older sister he never had."

"W-Well, I suppose that's right…"

"I know for a fact it is."

May returned to her game, and said, "Reborn, I thought you mentioned that you had a concern."

"I'll get to that, signora. Now, if Edd places you on such a high pedestal, imagine what should happen to him if something happened to you…"

The girl got lost in thought as she imagined just what would happen to Eddward if something should happen to her. She knew that Double D relied on her for most everything, and what would happen to him if she got sick?

"Oh no, May: this goes beyond catching a cold. Edd could help you if it were a cold; I'm talking about what if something worse happened to you."

"You mean-"

"Yes. Suppose…you were to die."

Die?! What did he mean by "to die"?!

"Wait, you mean 'die' as in, DIE die?!"

"Exactly. To lose someone so precious to him, Edd would crumble; that is not what the Vongola need. No matter how strong he gets, if his dearest friend were to be taken away from him, it would spell the end for him and us.

"So," the infant said as he hopped off the dresser, "If you could protect yourself, Edd wouldn't need to worry as much."

"Seriously?!"

"Yes. Of course, it wouldn't eliminate every concern, but we'll work on that."

"What do you mean, "We'll"?"

"If you are willing, I could find someone to teach you how to use a weapon. You could defend yourself from assailants, and serve as a member of the family. What do you say?"

May had to think carefully: she had always been uncertain as to what to do with her future, and she only knew that she would try to be as close to Eddward as possible. Wait, WHAT?! No, she had to let him be his own man, be that a doctor or a Mafia boss. She couldn't be with him forever, right? Still, he would need some help…

"…Okay, I'll do it. I'll take your training!"

Smiling, Reborn said, "Good. I'll contact the teacher as soon as possible, though there is no guarantee that they'll show up soon…"

"That's okay. It's not like he's in any immediate danger, right?"

"No, not yet…" He turned and walked out the door, saying, "Arrivederci."

Before he left the room, however, he said, "Are you going to watch Edd's volleyball game?"

"Volleyball game?" This was news to her…

"Yes, it should be a sight to see. Well, arrivederci!" And with that, he returned to heaven knows where.

May curled her hands into fists and started to grit her teeth. Volleyball game?! After she told him to take it easy?!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!"

The clock tower's bells rang out four times, signifying the end of the school day, and fifteen minutes till the volleyball game began. Now, a week ago, if anyone said I would be playing volleyball, I would have suggested they get a cat-scan! Yet here I was, heading out of my final class, when I met up with Lazlo.

"Hey Double D!" he said with a large grin on his face, "We're gonna get changed now; meet us in the gym?"

"Sure," I told him as I headed off in the other direction, "I'll be with you guys momentarily; I just have to drop off some books at my room!"

The truth was, I wasn't going to my room; I was looking for that psychotic teacher of mine, Reborn. Wandering down the hall, I made sure to check for any hidden cameras or traps he might have set up today. I asked myself, "Knowing his usual modus operandi, where could he possibly be?" Again and again, I turned down various halls, shouting, "Reborn!"

Finding no trace of the tiny Mafioso, I thought to myself, "Where has that child gone to?! And at such a time as this!"

Finally, I passed by an air conditioning unit that was exuding a familiar odor: that of espresso. "Hold the phone; I know that smell!"

I leaned in close to the machine, and listened for any noise inside. It caught me completely off guard when the machine burst open and revealed my teacher, sitting at a miniature table with an espresso machine on top.

"Ciaosup." He said this as he gestured at me with his espresso cup.

"W-What in heaven's name is this?!"

Reborn did not reply immediately, but only took a sip of his espresso. He finally said to me, "I have bases all over the school."

"When did you have the time to do that?!" I said, my mind blown from this strange boy's antics. Remembering my original intent in finding Reborn, I pounded my fist into my hand and told him, "Never mind! I need you to shoot me with the deathperation shot! There's no time!"

He smirked at me, and said, "I could shoot you right now, but you would only die."

"Wh-What did you say?"

Placing his cup on a dish, he told me, "If you have no regrets when you are shot with the deathperation, you will not revive. I suppose that you've gotten lots of compliments from your victory over Jason Todd; do you have any regrets in your life at this point?"

"No, I don't…Ah! Does that mean that mean that the deathperation WON'T WORK?!"

Reborn brought out his handgun and asked me, "Shall we find out?"

I swung my hands in front of my face and screamed out, "No! No, there's no need for that!"

Satisfied, Reborn shut the air conditioning unit, saying, "Good luck at the game, hero."

I walked back to the gym, but my legs trembled something fierce; it was all I could do to stand up. "Wha-What do I do?!" I asked myself, "Just when I was finally breaking from my shell…If I 

show how badly I perform in the game, I'll have to go back to being a hermit! I should just go back to my room…" Before I could retreat back to the sanctity of my dormitory room, I was stopped in my tracks by a heavenly voice.

"Hey, Double D! You're playing in the volleyball game, right?"

Nazz Williams was here. She was going to watch the game, and she would see how much of a loser I truly am.

"Where are you going? The gym's this way!" she said as she grabbed my arm. "If you don't hurry, they'll start without you!"

As she pulled me along, I feebly attempted to protest. Being myself, I was only able to mumble, "Ah, o-okay…"

"C'mon, we have to hurry! Everyone's waiting!"

I could have sworn, at that moment, Reborn was watching me from down the hall. Watching me with that damnable smirk on his face.

I was ushered into the gym by Nazz, and I thought to myself, "It looks like I've got no other choice; I'll just have to hope that this ends soon."

The noise from the spectators shook me back into reality: it seemed that almost every student in our grade was there, all of them shouting their support; I think I even saw a giant banner that read "DOUBLE D ROCKS!!"

"Yeah, our star player is here!"

"What kept ya?"

"GO DOUBLE D!"

"My, they're really depending on me…" I thought to myself.

Up in the higher parts of the bleachers, there's a kid watching the new-come champion with anxiousness. He fiddles with a yo-yo as he pops a jawbreaker candy into his mouth, and thinks to himself, "So, that's the 10th boss, huh?"

I made my way over to the section with my teammates, and I was greeted by Lazlo, Raj Nahasapeemapetilon, and Clam Berkley.

"Finally, DD!" Clam said in his simpleton tone.

Lazlo slapped my back and said, "Show us something incredible; I know you can do it!"

Raj shook my hand, and told me, "Yes, show us something verrrrry crrrazy!"

All I could do was laugh nervously to myself. In my head, I was screaming, "Not good not good! I have to get out of here!"

The referee blew the whistle, and shouted, "BEGIN!" and Edward Duck on our team served the ball.

After the other team hit it back to our side, I noticed that it was coming to me. I tried to swing my arms under it, but I was too slow; the ball hit the floor and bounced into my abdomen instead. I fell to the ground, clutching my stomach in immense pain, while my teammates asked if I was okay.

Murmurs began to circle around the crowd. "Huh?"

"What's going on?"

"Did he just…?"

I got up, my face a brilliant crimson. "Urgh, how embarrassing. Please, don't hit the ball to me!"

Sadly, the ball came back my way, and Lazlo tried to help me by shouting, "Double D! It's to you!"

Each and every time I tried to hit the ball after that, I only managed to fall flat on my face or get the ball to crash into my chest. The murmurs among the crowd got worse and worse…

"He's terrible."

"Man, he sucks!"

"What the hell are you doing!?"

"I can't believe that's the guy who beat Todd…"

As I listened to the spectators, I told them, in my head, "What do you expect? I'm not running on deathperation!"

Edward Earle and David Slinkman both shouted at me during a timeout.

"Eddward!" Slinkman shouted, "Do you even want to win?!"

"Get it together, loser!" Edward screamed.

Even the most optimistic guys on our team were beginning to get on me about my poor ability.

"You're holding us down, Double D!" Raj screeched.

"Geez, Double D; I thought you could play volleyball!" our captain, Lazlo, told me.

Clam, ever so eloquently, shouted, "You suck!"

All I could think was, "I can't take much more of this…"

Finally, it was the end of the first set, and we were losing by seven points. At the bench, all the guys gave me death glares as I stood in my place on the floor.

I quietly said, "Um, may I say something, Lazlo?"

"What?"

"Well, I, um, twisted my ankle during the fight with Jason Todd. And just now, it started to hurt again…"

He looked at me with concern, and said, "Wow, really? So that's why you've been off today."

I politely asked, "May I please go get some ice from the nurse's office?"

Despite Raj's protests about having only five players, Lazlo told me, "Well, it can't be helped; go ahead."

"Success!" I thought to myself. "Sorry, gentlemen, for having to abandon you, but I can't take much more of this." It was then that I noticed the bandages on Lazlo's hand: there were many of them, trailing all the way up his elbow. The other players were the same way, with their bodies covered in bruises and bandages covering their arms. "Everyone's hurt…"

I remembered what they were telling me earlier, "We really want to win! We have to give it our all!"

Lazlo grabbed my shoulder gently, and said, "Hey, why're you still standing around? Go to the nurse's office, get some rest."

I made my way out of the gym, and I could hear the disappointment of the crowd as they called me names like coward and slacker. What pained me was Nazz's eyes following me, the disappointment unbearable.

The school was empty, with all the students having flocked to the gym to watch the volleyball game in progress. There is no one waiting by the doors, talking with their friends; no one staying behind to study in the classrooms; no one in their dorm rooms, logging onto the internet. Everyone was in the gym, except for me. I was washing my face off in a bathroom not too far from the gymnasium.

Reborn watched me from the door, and asked, "Not going home?"

"Yes."

After wiping my face dry with a towel, I ran back to the gym, and said, "I'm heading back!"

Reborn stood there and watched me, and replied, "Later."

I got back to the gym, and thought to myself, "How selfish of me. Getting prideful and accepting the request to play. And for trying to use the deathperation bullet to easily do what everyone worked so hard to accomplish."

As I made my way back to the court, I told myself, "I'll try my best, and then I'll apologize to everyone when this is over."

Outside, in an adjacent building, Reborn aims his sniper rifle, and says to no one in particular, "As long as you understand, Edd."

Firing off a shot, he smiles and shouts, "Take this!"

Suddenly, I feel a stinging in my legs, a feeling I only get when I'm shot with a bullet. I fall to the ground clutching my legs, screaming, "AAAHHH, I'M HIT!!"

Something's wrong though: even thought I was shot, nothing feels different; I don't feel full of energy like before. "And yet," I thought to myself, "There are holes in my pants."

As the ball is put back in play, Lazlo shouts, "Here it comes, Double D! Block it!"

"I'll do my best!" I reply, jumping with all my might. And I do block the ball…and the audience goes quiet. Maybe it's because I leapt five feet into the air!

Everyone's eyes are bulging from their sockets as they watch me in the air, still in a block position.

Needless to say, we won the game that day.

"JUMP SHOT?!"

Back in my apartment, I asked Reborn to explain what exactly happened in the game today.

He holds a Vongola bullet in his hand and says, "The "deathperation shot" is just the special effect this bullet has when it hits your brain. The name and effect the bullet has depends on the part of the body that's hit; when you're hit in the knees, that's a jump shot!"

I rubbed my hand against my hat, and asked, "So, there are other effects?"

"There are as many effects as there are parts of the body."

"WWHHHAAAATTT?! So, even the hands, feet and back are-"

"That's right."

"A-Amazing!" This mafia stuff keeps getting weirder and weirder…

I smiled and asked my teacher, "Why would you hide this from me? You only told me about the deathperation shot before!"

"It seemed like you would depend on the bullet for everything, so I didn't say anything. But you didn't depend on the bullet today."

"Wow, Reborn…"

I thought to myself, "His methods might be crazy, but he's actually thinking of me…"

Reborn turned to his case and began rummaging around, saying, "However, that's not the real reason I shot you."

"What?"

He pulled out a machine gun, and said, with a smile, "If I don't keep shooting, I'll lose my touch; now, I can shoot you as much as I want!"

"He looks…freakishly happy…"

And that was just Tuesday! Wait until you hear about what happened later this week!


	4. Target 3: Eddy Marconi

Katekyo Hitman ED!

By The Mauve Lantern

Target 3: Eddy Marconi

It was a regular morning at Peach Creek Academy, with students waking up and going about their usual routines, like getting breakfast and taking showers. One student was having trouble getting out of his bed…

"Get up, Double D." Reborn, the infant tutor, told his student. "You'll have to get up sooner or later…"

Eddward "Double D" Carson hid his head under his covers, and said to his tutor, "I'm sorry, Reborn, but I can't go to classes today: my corneas are percolating; when my cornea's percolate, there's trouble on the horizon!"

"Oh really?" the infant asked.

"Yes. For example: this one time, my corneas were percolating while I was out on the playground with May; I didn't think anything of it then. Then these older boys came over and…I'm sorry, I can't talk about it." When Edd stuck his head out from under his covers, he saw that his tutor was asleep.

"If you're going to ask someone something, pay attention to the response!" Edd said as he kicked the infant off his bed.

Reborn got up off the floor, dusted himself off, and then jumped up and began to strangle his student. "Never, EVER wake a Mafioso when he is napping, if you value your life." Seeing as his student was about to pass out, Reborn let go of his neck, and told him, "You have to go to class today, because there is a new student coming. I want you to be the first one to greet him and welcome him to Peach Creek Academy."

Edd gasped for air, and asked, "Did you have to do that?"

"Absolutely."

After taking a shower, Edd gathered all his stuff for school and headed to the kitchen, where he fixed himself some breakfast. As he started making scrambled eggs, he thought to himself, 

"Hmm…May's not going to be here, because she had to go to class early to make up a test; looks like it's just me and Reborn…"

Reborn walked through the kitchen, his suitcase in hand, and headed for the door. Edd turned to him and asked, "Reborn, where are you going?"

"I still have to work on my system around the school. Sadly, I'll have to pass on breakfast."

"But you should always have something to eat in the morning!"

"When you're in the mafia, you learn how to go hungry. Arrivederci." With that, he left the apartment, and shut the door behind him.

Edd sighed, and thought, "Okay, it's just me. Could this be any more pathetic?" He set his plate down on the table, and ate in silence, his mind now focusing on why his corneas were percolating this morning.

Outside, near the center of campus, underneath the old clock tower, a boy is sitting at a booth with all dishes of food all laid out on a table. He is wearing a sweatshirt and has the hood pulled over his head, obscuring his face; not only that, he also has sunglasses on to further hide his identity. The boy calls out to the passing students, "HEY KIDS! Tired of eating the same ol' stuff every day? Then try the Marconi Special, a combination of all your favorite breakfast dishes!"

As he began to attract customers, the boy chuckled and said, "That's right! We've got fine cuisines, stuff you could only get at the finest restaurants ready for you, for the low, LOW price of one dollar each!"

"Well, it does look pretty good…"

"Yeah, looks pretty tasty!"

Soon, there are kids lining up to get their Marconi Specials, and they dig in as soon as they pay; the boy in the booth laughs in his head, and rubs his hands together as he thinks, "Heheheh, suuuuuuckers!" His attention is then drawn to a boy who is walking by; a boy wearing a black skull cap. "It's HIM!"

"You sir! How about a Marconi Special? Cures what ails ya!"

"Hmm? Oh, no thank you."

"You sure, it's really goooood!" the boy says as he shoves the plate under the potential customer's nose.

Edd takes a good whiff of the food and then quickly turns his head away in disgust, for fear of vomiting on the spot. "Good lord, what IS that, GARBAGE!?"

The hooded boy starts to sweat, and says, "Wh-Why, no! I-It's the MARCONI SPECIAL!"

"BLECH! Unless I'm mistaken, that's the lunch they were serving in the cafeteria two days ago! It's ROTTEN!"

When the other kids who have bought their food hear this, they spit out what's in their mouths, and some even vomit on the spot. The duped children all begin to chase the hooded boy, who dodges the kids and grabs his jar of cash from the booth.

Before he runs off, the boy shouts to Edd, "I'll GET YOU FOR THIS!" and then runs faster than a cheetah as he sprints away from the horde of students.

Edd shakes his head, and says, "Tut tut tut, what is this school coming to?"

The final bell rang, signifying the start of the school day. Edd was sitting in his homeroom class, 1-A, listening to what his teacher, Mr. Garrison was saying.

"Okay, class: today we have a new student joining us. His name is Eddy Marconi, and he has been studying overseas in Italy for some time now."

He gestured to the boy who now stood next to him. This boy was slightly short for his age, seeming to be a head shorter than Eddward, and he had spiky blonde hair with three long strands that hung in his face. He was wearing the school uniform, except the shirt was open, revealing a white tank top; around his neck was a necklace that had a silvery dollar sign attached to it. His eyes were hazel, and he had one hand in his pocket, while the other fiddled with a coin.

"He comes from Italy too, eh?" Edd thought to himself as he studied this new student. Eddy seemed to carry an air of apathy about him, but there was something that didn't seem right about the boy. Could Eddy be the cause of his percolating corneas?

Edd overheard the girls in the room giggling and blushing.

"Wow, he's pretty cute!"

"I'd heard Italian guys were good-looking!"

Edd laughed in his head and thought, "Girls really do go for the dangerous-looking type." Then he remembered that Nazz was in his class as well, and he turned to see what her reaction to the new boy was.

Nazz was staring at Marconi with a sort of dreamy look in her eyes, as a faint blush lit up her face.

"GAH! She's FALLEN for that miscreant!" Edd turned around to see the new boy again, and couldn't help but think, "This transfer student really gets on my nerves for some reason." It was then that he noticed Eddy was glaring right at him, grinding his teeth in pent-up fury.

The people sitting around Edd could tell that the steely gaze of the new student was directed at the capped boy, and a few began to sweat from nervousness over the situation. Edd shook a little, as the staring began to make him unnerved, and he asked, "Wh-Why are you looking at me like that?!"

Eddy did not reply, but he began to walk towards the trembling Edd, now flipping the coin as he walked. Mr. Garrison tried to tell Eddy, "Mr. Marconi, your seat is over this way…Mr. Marconi?" The Italian boy did not reply, and he kept walking until he approached Edd's desk, which he knocked over with a kick.

"AAAGGGHH!" the poor boy said as he went down.

As Edd gathered himself and tried to lift his desk up, he thought to himself, "What the deuce?! I haven't even said two words to the guy and he HATES me!"

Lazlo helped his pal set his desk back up, and asked, "Hey, Double D, do you know that guy?"

"No, and that's what scares me; I've never seen him before in my life!"

"That guy has GOT to be a criminal." Raj said to Edd.

The girls of the class, on the other hand, wouldn't have cared if he had killed Edd right on the spot; they were THAT infatuated with him.

"But that what makes him so dreamy," Cindy said.

"He's sooooo cool!" Patsy mumbled in a trance-like state.

"Looks like another one for the 'Hotties List'," Libby decided as she gazed in lust at the dark Italian boy.

Once the school day had ended, Edd meandered down the hallway, looking for something to do. Recently, he had grown tired of the doldrums that he was accustomed to; now, he was beginning to look into joining a club, or some other activity that he could get involved in.

But right now, he had a bigger problem on his hands: that Marconi guy. "Hrrm…what do I do about this guy? He's clearly out to get me, for some reason or another. But why?"

While he walked, Edd did not pay attention to where he was going and he bumped into someone. "Ouch! Oh, uh, pardon m-" he froze in his place when he realized just who he ran into: the Ghetto Seniors.

These were three boys who attended the school, got mediocre grades, and spent most of their time out of uniform, beating on innocent students. One had tattoos running up and down his arm (rumor was that he did it himself); another had his head shaved and was big and muscular; the third one always wore a hoodie, and (supposedly) kept a butterfly knife hidden in the pockets.

"Ouch," said the first one, a cruel smirk crossing his face, "That hurt; I might have broken a bone." His two friends began to chuckle, as evil grins spread across their faces.

"EEK!" Edd thought in his head, "The Ghetto Seniors!" He spun around and ran away as quickly as he could, shouting, "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY SORRY!"

The boy ran out of the school to a secluded, empty lot, where he leaned up against the wall to catch his breath. "That…was close…" Edd said in between gasps, "I could have been murdered!"

A familiar voice said to Edd, "You're a big chicken, ain't ya?"

Edd turned and found that transfer student, Eddy Marconi, leaning against the wall as he lit a cigarette. "Y-You're the transfer student." He began to fidget, wondering what to do right now. Finally, he began to walk back to the door to the school, saying, "I'll…I'll just be going now…"

"If a wuss like you becomes the 10th boss, the Vongola are finished."

Hearing this, Edd turned to face the boy, and asked, "Huh?! H-How do you know about the family!?"

Eddy spun around, his eyes burning a hole through Eddward, as he shouted, "I ain't gonna take this; I'm the one who's going to be the 10th boss!"

"Wh-Wha!?" A few days ago, Edd hadn't even heard of the Vongola family; now, here was someone that wanted to take his place? "What are you TALKING about?! And you think I can do something about this?"

Marconi stuffed his hands into his pockets, and said, "See, I've had an eye on you since the volleyball game. It's been one big, fat waste of my time watching a weakling like you."

"Y-You've been SPYING on me?!"

The boy pretended not to hear him, and instead removed two yo-yos from his pockets. "You're a pain-in-the-ass, now go and die."

Edd backed away in fear, and thought to himself, "Yo-yos!? What could he possibly do with YO-YOS?!"

Eddy began to spin the toys around, faster and faster, until they were simply blurs flying around his body. "See ya," he said as he swung both yo-yos at Edd; with the speed they were going, they would hurt like a bullet!

At moment right before they made contact, however, a bullet ironically whizzed through the air, and sliced through the threads that connected the yo-yos to their strings; Edd ducked instantaneously, and the toys flew over his head harmlessly, crashing into the side of the building and leaving dents in the stone.

"Damn," Eddy said through gritted teeth.

Seeing the immediate threat gone, Edd fell to the ground, scared stiff but still alive and well. The owner of the gun that shot the bullet blew away the smoke that came from his handgun, and politely greeted the two boys with a friendly, "Ciaosup."

Edd cried out, "REBORN, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE!" He had never been happier to see his tutor before now.

The infant ignored his student, however, and began speaking to the Italian boy who had just attacked Edd. "You came earlier than I expected, Eddy Marconi." Reborn said with a smile on his face.

"Wait," Edd asked, "You two KNOW each other?!"

"Yes," Reborn told his student, "He's a member of the family; I called him and told him to come here."

Edd was growing more and more frightened by the second. "So, this guy is in the MAFIA!?"

"Actually, it's my first time meeting the boy."

"So," Eddy said as he spoke up again, "You're the 9th boss's most trusted assassin, Reborn."

"Wow," Edd thought to himself, "Is Reborn really that high up in the mafia?"

"Now, you weren't BSing me about this, right? If I kill Carson, I get to become a candidate for the position of 10th boss?"

"Wh-What are you talkin-"

"Yes, that's right," Reborn said as he sat on the windowsill, "Now, commence with the violence."

"Hey, wait a minute, Reborn!" Edd shouted as he scampered over to his tutor. "KILL ME!? Surely you must be joking!"

"I'm serious," Reborn told the boy, "And don't call me 'Shirley'."

"What…you-you can't be serious…Reborn, are you BETRAYING ME!? You mean everything up till now was a lie, just stringing me along for this moment?!"

The infant cocked his gun and said, "You've got it all wrong, Edd: I'm telling you to fight."

"Wha – Fight with the transfer student? I can't do this! I can't possibly fight the MAFIA!" Edd shouted as he began to run away.

Eddy dashed in front of the boy, and said, "You're not going anywhere," forcing Edd to stop and scream in fear. The transfer student pulled out three yo-yos for each hand, and began to swing them around quickly; however, this time, the strings burst into flames, creating a cyclone of fire around his body as they spun around.

"Is this boy CRAZY?!" Edd screamed in his head as he backed away, Marconi watching him the whole way.

Reborn used this moment to explain just who Eddy was to his student: "It is said that Eddy Marconi is an expert trickster, who carries trick yo-yos all over his body. His nickname in the criminal underworld is "Marconi Junior".

"This guy IS crazy!" Edd cried out as he ran away from Eddy, trying to put some distance between the two of them. "I can't possibly beat this guy!"

Eddy launched the yo-yos, and shouted, "Die!"

The yo-yos barely missed their mark, but they sent Edd flying as he screamed in fear, "WAAAAHHHH-HYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

He finally fell to the ground, where he was met by a wall. "A dead end!" Edd shouted as he turned to face Marconi, "I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place!"

"This is it," Eddy said as he launched another salvo of flaming yo-yos at the trapped boy, "Die."

Reborn sighed, and aimed his gun. "Time to die, Edd," he said as he fired the bullet that his student needed. The bullet rang true, and made contact with his head, and he fell to the ground as a pool of blood formed from the hole in his cranium.

"Did he just kill his student?" Marconi thought to himself as he waited for the yo-yos to hit.

Suddenly, a lump appeared in Edd's chest, and it grew and grew until…"REBORN!" the transformed boy hollered as he burst out of his old body. "I WILL DODGE THOSE YO-YOS AS IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!"

"DODGE!!" the boy shouted as he bent over at a near 90 degree angle to avoid the first flaming projectile. Eddy saw this, and wondered what had happened to the loser that stood in front of him a moment ago, cowering in fear.

Edd, clad only in his boxers, continued to dodge the flaming yo-yos, each time shouting, "DODGE!! DODGE!! DODGE!! DODGE!! DODGE!!"

"What IS this guy?!" Eddy thought as he readied more yo-yos. He launched his next attack, consisting of even more of the deadly toys, as he shouted, "DOUBLE BLAST!"

"DODGE!! DODGE!! DODGE!! DODGE!! DODGE!!" cried out Edd as he leapt to and fro to avoid meeting a grisly fate.

A vein was now throbbing in Eddy's temple as he grew furious with the situation. "This was just supposed to be some wuss; how can I be losing like this?!" Marconi popped his jacket open, and removed a dozen yo-yos as he hooked them to his fingers and wrists. As he began to spin them, he shouted, "TRIPLE BLAST!"

Before he could launch the yo-yos, they proved too much for him to handle, as he dropped one on the ground as it began to burst into flames. A few others were dropped, and soon Eddy was surrounded by a raging inferno. "Crap," Eddy thought to himself, "Is this where I die?"

Just then, he saw Edd leap above the flames and land right next to Eddy, and he cried, "DODGE!!" as he lifted Eddy up and threw him over the inferno to safety. The Italian boy marveled at this; no one had ever done something so kind for him.

Turning his attention back to the flames, Edd began to scoop up dirt by the armfuls out of the ground as he shouted, "SNUFF!! SNUFFSNUFFSNUFFSNUFFSNUFFSNUFFSNUFF!" and soon, the 

fire was put out, leaving a bunch of deactivated yo-yos. Eddy was so stunned at what had happened, the cigarette he had in his mouth fell to the ground.

At last, the flame on Edd's forehead vanished, and he reverted to his ordinary state. "Whew," the boy said as he breathed a sigh of relief, "Somehow, I survived."

Eddy fell to his knees and bowed to Edd as he cried out, "I was wrong; you are the best one for the position of 10th boss!" This freaked out Edd, and he turned to face his defeated opponent. "10th, you are the MAN!" Eddy shouted as he got to his feet, "You give the word and I'll do it! I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth!"

"Wh-What are you talking about, Marconi?!"

Reborn walked up to Edd and said, "One rule of the family is that the loser must serve under the winner."

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Actually," Eddy said with his head bowed, "I didn't really think I could cut it, and become the 10th boss of the Vongola; it's just that when I heard that the boss was this kid in the States who was my age, I felt like I had to test him out…" Hearing this made Edd a little more sympathetic towards Marconi, and he could understand where he was coming from.

"But you are frikkin' AWESOME! In order to pay my debt to you, allow me to serve at your right hand!"

Edd stammered and tried to talk Eddy out of this by saying, "I-Isn't that a-a bit much?! Can't we just be regular classmates?"

Eddy glared at him and coldly said, "No, we cannot!"

"My god, I'm too scared to argue!" Edd thought in his head, "What have I gotten myself into?!"

Reborn handed Edd his clothes and told him, "You gained a powerful ally in Eddy, once you showed him your strength; congratulations, Edd."

"B-But, Reborn, I don't need some right-hand man or something like that!"

Before he could argue any further, Edd was interrupted by three familiar voices. "My oh my, these guys are in our spot."

He turned to find the Ghetto Seniors, all of them chuckling menacingly, ready to deliver a beating.

"This requires some punishment," said Tattoos.

"Only seniors are allowed here," said Muscles.

"How many teeth you want broken?" asked Hoods.

Edd began to back into a corner as he thought, "This is bad, very bad…"

"Leave it to me," Eddy said as he lit another cigarette, "I'll get rid of them for you, buddy."

"Wai-Wait, Eddy! Don't use the flaming yo-yos!"

Later that evening, Edd was heading back to his room with Reborn, Eddy having gone to back to his room to get something. "What a day, eh, Reborn?"

"Yes: you gained another family member and you delivered some justice while you were at it."

"By the way," Edd asked, "Are those seniors going to be all right?"

"Probably."

The two were walking down the hall to Edd's room, when they heard arguing coming from up ahead.

"I SAID YOU CAN'T SMOKE HERE!"

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

"ONE OF THE KIDS IN THIS HALL IS ALLERGIC TO THE SMOKE, AND IT'S NOT HEALTHY FOR THE REST OF US!!"

Edd ran up ahead to find May stomping a cigarette into the ground, with Eddy looking like he was about to kill her. "What the blazes is going on here?!" he shouted, gaining the attention of his two friends.

"Double D, do you know this creep?!" the two of them hollered as they pointed at each other.

"Oh, I'm a creep, am I?! Well, at least I'm not getting LUNG CANCER!"

"I'm a creep?! You're the HEALTH FREAK around here!"

They both turned to Edd and shouted, "DOUBLE D, MAKE HIM/HER STOP!!"

"Oh boy," Edd thought to himself, "Things just got more interesting…"


	5. Target 4: Edspulsion Crisis

Katekyo Hitman ED!

By The Mauve Lantern

Target 4: ED-spulsion Crisis

It was a sunny day at Peach Creek Academy, with nary a cloud in the sky; the conditions were perfect for going out to play.

"I can't believe we have to have class on such a beautiful day!" May Kanker moaned as she and her friend Edd walked to class. "It's so unfair!"

"Well, think of it this way," Edd said as he put a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder, "It's almost the weekend, and you won't have any classes to worry about after today!"

May let out a sigh of relief, and told him, "Thanks, Double D, but that's just one of the reasons I don't want to go to class today…"

"What's the other reason?"

"We're getting our math tests back today, and I KNOW I did a bad job!" the poor girl wailed as she began to wring her hands out of nervousness.

Edd knew why May was so upset: math had always been her worst subject, and the only reason she was in as high a level of math as him was because the dean had permitted it. May always had to study with Edd, but even that didn't do much good at times. She just wasn't gifted when it came to numbers.

He said to her, "Just try not to worry about it so much. Besides, even if you do fail, what's the worst that can happen?"

"The worst thing that could happen?" she asked, "Mr. Garrison is the worst thing that could happen…"

--

A few minutes later, the bell had rung, signaling the start of the next class of the day; Edd and May were already in their seats, and waiting for Mr. Garrison to hand back the tests from a few days ago. The windows were open, letting in a warm breeze that eased the students' minds, and if one were to look outside, they would see a certain mafia hitman sitting in the old oak tree that stood next to the building.

Mr. Garrison walked into the room, briefcase in one hand and a puppet in the other; for some reason, Mr. Garrison believed that teenagers could still be taught with the use of ridiculous hands puppets. He was an older man, maybe in his fifties or sixties, who wore glasses and was completely bald on top of his head, with the exception of some gray hair on the sides and back. His clothing was usually the same everyday: a green button-up shirt, dark-green slacks, and a pair of brown loafers. What stood out most, however, was his cynicism and his harsh attitude towards his students.

"Okay, listen up, you little monkeys," the man said as he placed his briefcase on his desk, "I have your tests graded, and I have to say: these were atrocious, even for you 'geniuses'."

_This can't be good_, Edd thought to himself.

Mr. Garrison opened up the briefcase and pulled out a small stack of papers, and he said to the class, "When I call your name, come up here and get your test. Monroe?"

"Here."

"Lazlo?"

"Here, Mr. Garrison."

"Eric?"

"Yeah."

May sat at her desk, her head cast down in shame, as if she had already found out her grade. Her hands were folded in prayer, and she thought in her mind, "Please God, don't let me fail. Don't let me be the worst one in the class. Oh, why, WHY does Garrison have to be our teacher!?"

Finally, Mr. Garrison called out, "May?"

"Yes?"

Before the girl could take her test back, her teacher smirked and ripped it out of her hands, examining it one more time. "This is just a hypothetical question," Garrison began, ready to tear May apart, "But let's suppose for a minute that there's one student in class who always scores in the twenties, dragging the class average down horrifically…"

May said nothing in response, and only wondered how bad she truly did.

Mr. Garrison paused to adjust his glasses, but kept on going after that. "This is just the opinion of a Harvard graduate, but I think that person is basically baggage for society, and a burden on the rest of her classmates."

He flipped over May's test, revealing a big, fat "26", written in red marker, circled and underlined multiples times. "Is there any reason for that kind of reason for that kind of trash to exist?"

All of May's classmates were stunned at Mr. Garrison's latest attempt to humiliate his students, but there were still those who mumbled loud enough for May to hear.

"Did you see that?"

"26 points! Geez!"

"Man, Mr. Garrison is such a jerk."

The teacher went back to returning tests, calling out the next name, "Ginger?" while May slowly walked back to her desk, her feeling of dread earlier now mixing with an overwhelming sense of fury.

"Dammit, why the hell is Garrison such an asshole?! Just because he graduated from Harvard, he thinks he has the right to pick on people who get bad grades! WHAT A BASTARD!!" When she finally got back to her desk, she almost cried; Edd saw this and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, as if to tell her everything would be okay.

At that moment, Eddy Marconi strolled into the room ten minutes late for class and his hands shoved his pockets. The whole class went silent as they stared at Eddy, wondering if he knew what Garrison would do to late students.

"Odd," thought Edd, "Why is Eddy late for class?"

Mr. Garrison voiced Double D's question, and shouted at Eddy, "Hey, you're LATE, Mr. Marconi! What the hell do you think you're doing showing up late to my class?!"

Eddy spun his head to face the Math teacher, and gave him a glare that could kill as he said, "What?" This was enough to make Mr. Garrison back down and simply watch as this new, dangerous student made his way over to the empty desk next to Edd.

Word had spread fast about the Italian boy, as evidenced by the murmurs that drifted around the room:

"Man, that guy is SCARY!"

"I heard he took out the ghetto seniors!"

Edd had his eyes shut and was thinking to himself, "I don't know him, I don't know him; if anyone asks, I do NOT know him!" He opened his eyes a little bit, and saw that Eddy was walking his way. "Good lord, he's headed this WAY!"

Eddy reached Edd's desk, and smiled brightly as he slapped his boss's back, saying, "Morning, Double D! How's the 10th doing today, huh?"

Again, the kids in class began to talk amongst themselves:

"What th-WHAT'S GOING ON!?"

"Are those two friends?"

"Nah, Edd probably became his bitch," said one boy with bushy brown hair and rather large buckteeth.

Double D tried to plead his case with everyone by telling them, "N-No, you've got it all wrong," but in his head he was thinking, "May's ready to kill Mr. Garrison, and Eddy will just make things worse; I can't have people thinking I'm a gangster!"

By now, Mr. Garrison had recomposed himself, and said to the class, "Here's another hypothetical situation: let's say there's a retard student who arrives late to class without a care in the world; he decides to sit with OCD-Boy and the failure, placing himself amongst trash. This is because, as they say, birds of a feather flock together."

Eddy froze in mid-stride, and then spun to face the teacher. He glared from behind the hair that covered his eyes, and he started to say, "Listen, old man…" Then he lunged at the math teacher, and grabbed him by the collar as he slammed him against the blackboard. The boy told Mr. Garrison, "You do NOT get to mock the 10th boss of the Vongola family, Eddward Carson! You can mock that girl with the beaver teeth all you want, but you will NOT mock me or the BOSS!"

Everyone in the class turned to Edd, who was clutching his head, and breathing heavily, wanting to vanish at that moment. "DON'T SAY MY NAME OUT LOUD!" the boy screamed in his head.

As Mr. Garrison was pinned against the wall, he choked out, "I-I was just…hypothetically speaking…"

May jumped out of her chair and shouted at Eddy, "MARCONI, YOU JERK! I do NOT have BEAVER TEETH!"

"Shut up, Beaver-Girl!" Eddy shouted back in reply, and then he turned back to Edd and smiled, as he asked in an almost sing-song voice, "Is this all right, Double D?"

"Don't LOOK at me, you idiot!" Edd thought as he looked around at his classmates, "I'm NOT involved with this!"

"Decimo(1), you want I should finish this guy off for ya?" Eddy asked, despite Mr. Garrison's obvious gagging.

"Leave me alone; for the love of God, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

--

"You three," Mr. Garrison shouted, "ARE EXPELLED, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!"

May, Eddy and Edd now stood in the vice-principal's office, with their math teacher standing in front of them, pointing an accusing finger in their direction.

"Now now, please try to remain calm, Mr. Garrison," Vice-Principal Bone said, "Perhaps you're over-exaggerating a little bit?"

Mr Garrison glared at him and shouted, "REMAIN CALM?! I was physically assaulted by one of my students, another one's an idiot, and Eddward must be the ring leader here! They must all be expelled for joint responsibility!"

While May was slightly nervous and Eddy was stoic and arrogantly smirking, Edd was downright panicking. "How in the world was **I** dragged into this?!"

Vice-Principal Bone told Mr. Garrison, "We can't exactly expel them without warning like this; after all, Edd IS, legally, the property of the school."

"Hmph." Mr. Garrison said in frustration; then, he got an idea. "How about we give them some time before we remove them from the school?"

"Umm, what do you mean?"

"Well, Mr. Bone, if I recall correctly, there was a time capsule buried under the campus fifteen years ago that we've had trouble finding; you were going to have some professionals find it, right?"

The vice-principal put his finger to his chin and said, "Yes, I remember. What about it?"

"Let's have these kids do it," Mr. Garrison told him as he looked over the three students, "If they can dig up the time capsule by this evening, then this issue will be forgiven; if they CAN'T, they will be expelled immediately!"

Edd and May recoiled in shock, for they knew how daunting the task ahead of them was: PCA buried a time capsule every year, in all sorts of places around the campus; even if they managed to find one, they wouldn't even be sure if it was the one they were looking for!

"Th-That's outrageous!" Edd shouted at Mr. Garrison, "We can't find it in one day!"

May and Eddy glared ferociously at their teacher, who had a wicked smirk on his face; he knew that he had won.

--

The sun was shining, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky; some of the little kids were running around on the soccer field for their recess time. There were plenty of happy kids on this day, but Edd Carson was not one of them.

"Receiving a 92 on a test? That's nothing," the capped boy thought to himself as he walked down the stairs of the Cameron Hall. "If I were suspended, that would mean that I could have more time to work on my various projects. But to be expelled is something different. I won't be able to see NAZZ!"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE EXPELLED!" he shouted as he gripped his hat, trying to think of a solution.

A familiar voice asked him, "If you really don't want to be expelled, then why aren't you doing anything to prevent it? You wuss."

Edd turned to the source of a voice, only to discover it was an air conditioner. "Reborn?" he asked, "Is that you?" Suddenly, a knob on the machine opened up, revealing a tiny Reborn, no bigger than Edd's thumb. "Good LORD! Wh-What the deuce happened to you!?"

The miniature Reborn shot his tongue out, and whapped the poor boy right in the eye; the pain was incredible, and he clutched his eye in agony as he rolled on the ground. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! MY EYE-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

Reborn vanished in a puff of smoke, revealing a small, green lizard; the actual infant hitman walked out of the main component of the air conditioning unit saying, "This is Leon, the shape-shifting chameleon. You might not have noticed him because he likes to hide, but he's been on my head this whole time."

"I DID notice, you lunatic!"

A pair of voices called to Edd, signaling their presence in the machine.

"Yo, Decimo, over here."

"Hey Double D, you're here too?"

May and Eddy crawled out of the air conditioner, making Edd ask, "How in the world did you all FIT in there?!"

Eddy pointed back into the unit, and said, "Reborn was just teaching Beaver Girl about the basics of killing."

Using this as a chance to see Reborn's hideout, Edd discovered that it was actually very nice: there was carpeting, an espresso machine, a nice couch and a coffee table, and even a small desk. "That's really…impressive," the awe-struck boy thought to himself.

"More like, he was reminding YOU about them," May growled at the Italian boy, "After all, you nearly wasted Mr. Garrison!"

"SO?!" Eddy screamed, "You would have done the same thing!"

"Of course I would; the man is SATAN! But I wouldn't have killed him in front of a class full of people!"

Reborn coughed, and reminded the two teenagers that their friend/boss was right in front of them; the friend that was going to be expelled for THEIR mistake.

Eddy threw himself at Edd's feet, and bowed his head as he begged his boss, "Double D, I am SO SORRY! If I had known that you didn't want to be expelled, I wouldn't have choked your teacher!"

May copied Eddy, and clung to her best friend's leg as she sobbed, "Oh Double D, forgive me! I'm a horrible friend to get you expelled like this! It's ALL MY FAULT!!"

"It-It's okay, guys; we'll, uh…we'll work something out." Edd told his friends, not really believing his own words.

"Since things are the way they are," Eddy said as he got back up, "We need to dig up the time capsule, regardless of the cost!"

May wiped away her tears, and looked at Eddy as she told him, "You're right! For once, you're RIGHT! We have to do something about this!"

The two of them concocted a plan in their heads, and they turned to Edd and Eddy said, "I think we know how we're going to find it…"

"Leave it to us!" May declared as she pumped her fist in the air.

"Unbelievable," Edd thought as he looked over his friends, "Ordinarily, these two would be ripping each other apart! But right now, they're both dead-set on helping me keep from being expelled!"

Eddy reached into his pockets and pulled out an armful of green yo-yos, and he happily told May and Edd, "The job will go a lot quicker if we blow up the grounds with THESE!" He passed off a few to May and a few for the boss, and he said to them, "These are your shares. Do with them what you will, but make sure you rip the string out and then hurl 'em quickly; these things are like grenades."

The blonde girl gripped hers and excitedly said, "Got it!" and she ran off down the hall, shouting, "I'm going to get some other supplies!"

Meanwhile, Double D was still unsure why in the hell Eddy was giving him GRENADES! "Wha-What the devil are you thinking, Eddy!? Using grenades to blow up the grounds will only get us in more trouble!"

His pleas fell on deaf ears, as Eddy ran down the hall, shouting to his boss, "I'll see you down there in a few minutes!"

"WAIT! I DON'T WANT THESE! TAKE THEM BACK!" Edd cried, but it was too late; Eddy had run off to the school grounds, ready to blow it to kingdom come.

The frightened boy looked down at the deadly toys in his hands for a moment, and then he sprints back down the hall, in the opposite direction of May and Eddy. He murmured to himself, "NOTGOODNOTGOODNOTGOODNOTGOODNOTGOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" As he ran past the teacher's lounge, however, he heard a couple of teachers talking; one of them was that horrid Mr. Garrison.

"Geez, you are SICK, Garrison!" Mr. Lumpus said as he took a sip of coffee.

Mr. Garrison chuckled evilly and told the other teacher, "It's the vice-principal who's sick, Lumpus; he forgot that we never buried a 15-year time capsule!"

In his mind, Edd was screaming, "What the deuce!?"

"Those little turds are expelled regardless of what they do," Mr. Garrison said as he turned to the puppet that adorned his hand and asked, "What do you think, Mr. Hand?"

Mr. Hand tapped his chin for a second, and then declared, "Hmm…maybe if those butt-monkeys tear the whole campus in half, we'd reconsider…"

"That son of a-HE WAS PLAYING US THIS WHOLE TIME!" Double D screamed in his head, but a sudden quake in the ground knocked him from his feet. The whole school rattled from the tremor, and the sound of several explosions and a jackhammer reached the students' ears as everyone inside ran to the windows to see what was up.

"What? What's going on!?"

"The whole field is blowing up!"

"Who's causing this?!"

Edd sunk to his knees with a sickening realization: "Those two have already started…" The yo-yo grenades fell from his hands as he began to sob, "It's over…it's all over. There's no time capsule to be found; there's no way we can stop from being expelled. I guess…I guess I'll never see Nazz again…"

"May and Eddy don't think so," Reborn said as he poked Edd's forehead with a loaded handgun, "There must be a way to avoid expulsion."

"REBORN, N-!" BANG! The weak boy's body flew back from the gunshot, a stream of crimson blood flying through the air with it; before it even hit the ground, the reborn Edd burst out of the torso, clad in nothing but his boxers.

"REBORN!! I WILL DIG UP THAT CAPSULE AS IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!" he shouted as he raced down to his friends; as he ran, Leon the chameleon hopped onto his shoulder and clung on tightly.

Edd reached the blast zone, where Eddy was getting ready to hurl another round of grenade yo-yos and May was circling around the vicinity on a jackhammer. The Italian boy saw that his boss had arrived, and he shouted, "We've been waitin', Decimo!"

"HHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, DDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE DDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" May hollered as she tore up the ground.

Leon hopped into Double D's hand, and the boy hollered at him, "LOCATE THE GROUND'S WEAKNESS!" The lizard nodded, and changed its form: it made its body longer, and much thinner, then it split into two and became sleek and metallic.

"DOWSING ROD!!" the deathperation-fueled boy roared as he clutched the transformed-chameleon in his hand.

The cigarette that was in Eddy's mouth dropped along with his jaw, and he cried out, "FREAKIN' AWESOME!"

From his window-view of the action, Reborn said, "Leon can only change into he has seen before and is as big as he is." Then he looked straight ahead and asked, "But you guys already knew that, didn't you?"

Down below, the dowsing rod began to tremble in Double D's hands, and he hollered, "I FOUND IT!! THE FAULT LINE IS RIGHT HERE!!" To show May and Eddy where it lay, the boy pointed directly below him. "HERE I GO!!" he roared as four more bullets made contact with his body.

Reborn, now holding a sawed-off rifle, looked straight at the readers and said, "A shot to the shoulder, elbow and arm is a three-hit combo named "Megapunch Shot"; a direct shot to the spinal cord is a Heat-resistant Skin Shot, allowing the body to handle any heat level up to 11."

Eddy hurled a dozen grenade yo-yos, and shouted, "I'M COMING TOO!!"

"CCCCCCCOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTT MMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE IIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN TTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" May screamed as she rode the jackhammer over to the blast zone.

As the grenades flew through the air and the jackhammer quickly approached, Edd cocked his fist, and brought it down with all the force he could muster. The combination of super-powered punches, army-grade explosives and heavy-duty construction tools proved enough to create a divide in the ground, splitting and driving deep into the ground.

Nazz ran up to the window and asked Lazlo, "What's going on?!"

"It's an earthquake or something; there's a huge crack in the ground!"

Mr. Garrison ran out once the ground stopped shaking, and he shouted, "IT'S THAT MARCONI BOY, THAT KANKER GIRL, AND THAT SOCKHEADED KID! What the HELL do they think they're doing!

"EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, ALL OF YOU ARE EX-!" He was stopped by Eddy, who shoved several old papers into Mr. Garrison's face. All of them were math tests, and they all were in the single digits, ranging from 0-3.

"The time capsule from 15 years ago didn't show up," Eddy said as May and Edd searched through several of the other capsules that had been unearthed, "This one from 40 years ago, on the other hand, DID. And I've got one question, Mr. Harvard Grad: why are the tests of some elite academic like you in the time capsule of our dinky little school?"

"Th-That's…"

"And these scores! Seriously, what the hell?!"

Herbert Garrison was fired from Peach Creek Academy on April 17th, 2009, for lying about his academic history. In reality, Mr. Garrison attended some crappy college in South Park, Colorado.

--

"Thank you so very, very much, you guys," Edd told his friends as he breathed a sigh of relief, no longer in danger of being expelled, "I am so glad the vice-principal decided not to punish us for blowing up the school grounds!"

"Oh, come on, Double D!" May said to his friend, "You were seriously worried?"

Eddy patted Edd on the back and solemnly said, "I'd risk my life, boss, to make sure nothing bad happened to you!"

"Wow, Eddy…May, thank you so much!"

Reborn looked up at his student and asked him, "Isn't it great having such a loyal follower in Eddy?"

"Are you mad, Reborn!? I already said I don't want to be a mafia boss; that means NO SUBORDINATES!" Edd screamed at his tutor. "Besides, how is Nazz supposed to like me when I've got two psycho-assassins tailing me everywhere?!"

"Oh yeah," Eddy said as he rummaged through his pockets and removed a few pieces of paper, "The tests are really freakin' hard, don'cha think?" The tests in his hands were even worse than May's, and that was saying something.

While Edd gawked at his "subordinate", Reborn told Eddy, "You should learn from your boss, Marconi."

So, the three of them walked off into the sunset, back to their dorm rooms…

"Hey, Beaver Girl, where'd you learn to ride a jackhammer like that?"

"I competed in the annual 'Summer Jack-Off Contest(2)', Bling-Bling Boy."

"Can't you two stop for five MINUTES!?"

--

(1): DecimoTenth, in Italian.

(2): Rocko's Modern Life reference


	6. Target 5: Ed Batson

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN Katekyo Hitman Reborn NOR Ed, Edd n Eddy.**_

**Katekyo Hitman ED!**

By The Mauve Lantern

**Target 5: Ed Batson**

"This is so embarrassing," thought Eddward Carson to himself, as he stood, all alone, between two kickball teams.

Bart looked around, making sure that the only possible player left was Eddward. Once he was sure, he asked Conner, the other team captain, "So Double D's the last one?"

"Yeah…but you can have him!"

"No way, man! We don't want to lose! He was pretty awesome at the volleyball game, but he could very well suck at kickball!"

Eddward placed a hand on his forehead as he wondered what devil had possessed him to actually attend PE class. It wasn't like his heart condition was getting better; in actuality, it had remained the same ever since Reborn had shown up. "Ironic, eh?" he asked himself.

"Good lord, I haven't been in a PE class since I was seven or eight years old! I would have staid back at the room, since Eddy and May have this period open, but Eddy went off to restock on yo-yos and May went to the store to get some groceries. To make matters worse, my insane tutor kicked me out of the room, saying, 'You need to make new friends.' Shows what he knows; I'm never going to get any friends in PE!"

As Eddward listened to the two captains arguing, a friendly voice said, "Aw, let's let the little fellow join our team!" The voice belonged to Ed Batson, a tall, goofy-looking boy who was the same age as Eddward, although he was several inches taller. He was wearing the school's gym uniform and white sneakers, and had bushy red hair that stuck out all over the place.

"Are you sure?" asked Conner. "You don't have to do this just because you pity the guy!"

Ed wrapped his arm around Conner's shoulders and gave him a lazy, lackadaisical smile. "Well, if I can keep the enemy forces from conquering our home base, it won't be a problem, right?"

"Whatever, Ed," Stan groaned, "Let's just play the damn game."

Eddward was taken aback at the current situation. Someone had picked him for their team? He, a hermit, had been picked to play kickball with the others? "That's…That's the first time I've been picked for a team of any kind! And it's all because of that guy, Ed: he's got the attention of all the sports teams in the school! Most people respect him, and he has their complete trust! This guy is incredible!"

Ten minutes later, the game was in full swing, and it was Ed's turn to kick. The red ball rolled his way, though he wasn't even paying attention. "ED!" shouted Stan Marsh, co-captain of the team, "KICK THE GADDAMN BALL!"

"Huh? Oops!" Ed saw the ball coming and he gathered all the strength he had into his leg. With a kick that could break through concrete, Ed hit the ball so far that it went clear over the goal post and into the teachers' parking lot. He ran around all the bases his eyes closed and a smile plastered on his face.

"Sorry guys! I just don't know my own strength!" he shouted.

Timmy, who was guarding second base asked him, "Would it kill you to strike out every so often?!"

"Nice hit, Ed!"

"Way to go!"

"All hail the super-strong freak!"

When Ed rounded home base, he was congratulated by the other players, who were all elated by the fact that he had kicked the ball clear across the field, scoring them some much needed points. Along with the boys who were playing, Ed had attracted the attention of some of the girls in the class.

"Ed, you rock!" screamed Dee-Dee.

"Marry me, Ed!" Veronica screeched.

On the bench, surrounded by applauding teammates, Eddward held his head between his hands. "Ed is unbelievable!" he thought. "I'd give anything to be like him: carefree, talented, and respected."

From high atop a water tower nearby, Reborn was thinking the same thing. He observed the game through a pair of binoculars, and had seen how people acted with Ed. "Ed Batson…" he recorded in a little black book, "has incredible athleticism and charisma. A definite addition to the family."

***

"It's your fault we lost, Double D!"

"I KNEW we shouldn't have put him on the team!"

Eddward cringed with each insult hurled at him. "Even with Ed's power, we still lost." Then he thought for a second. "These guys are such hypocrites! They performed just as poorly as I did!"

"Double D, since you're the reason we lost the game," Conner passed him a bag that was used to hold all the kickballs used in the game, "it's your job to clean up the field. Got that?" Eddward nodded and collected the bag. As the other players walked away, Conner showed him a little pity and whispered to him, "Don't take these guys so seriously, okay? They just get a little bit excited when it comes to sports. See ya, man!" He grabbed his book bag from the wall and waved as he walked off to his next class.

"After all that," Eddward mused, "You're still going to leave me with this?!?" He cast a solemn look around the field where they had played. A cool breeze blew past him and ruffled his sweatpants. "I should just go back to my room."

Just then, Ed showed up, jolly as ever, with a broom in his hands. "Ed to the RESCUE!" he shouted.

"Ah, Ed! Wh-What're you doing here?" Eddward asked.

"I came to help out, silly. I got everything right here!" He hoisted the broom into the air, then looked around and said, "We…we don't need the broom, do we?"

"Ha ha, not really." Eddward got to gathering all the kickballs, including the one that had been retrieved from the teachers' parking lot. "Sorry about the game," he told Ed solemnly, "I let you down, even though you were the one who put me on your team."

Ed chuckled. "It is not a problem, Double D. After all, this is only PE. Besides, we're pals!"

"P-P-Pals!?"

"Yeah! I've been meaning to tell you: you were so awesome in the boxing match and the volleyball game! You've been on an awesome streak for the last week!"

Eddward blushed and murmured, "Th-Th-Thanks!"

They continued picking up the pieces of the game in silence for a while, until Ed leaned against a tree and said, "Double D, can I tell you something?"

"Umm, sure."

"Sports are great and all, but," Ed turned his gaze skyward, "what I really want to do is draw comic books."

The genius Eddward was taken aback by this. Ed, the start athlete of the school, was really an artist for graphic novels? "But, what about your skill with sports?" he asked, curious as to the answer. "I thought you really enjoyed sports!"

"Nah, this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days."

"Huh?"

"See, kicking balls and swinging wooden sticks is okay. Throwing orange orbs through nets and pretending to be Aquaman is fun. Heck, I'd be in a fighting game if I joined the martial arts team. But that's not the point. It's interfering with my drawing time, and I think it's messing with my head a little…"

"H-How do you mean?"

"I can't seem to draw what I want to anymore. When I want to do an army of ogres, it comes out as a football team; if I feel like doodling the adventures of Son Goku and his quest for the Dragonballs, I end up making a monkey playing basketball. Sports are messing with my creativity, and it's really getting to me. Double D, what should I do?"

Ed was being deathly serious when he asked his new friend. His green eyes had turned morose, and his smile had become a frown. Of course, Eddward had no idea how to help this boy that he barely even knew.

"Y-You're asking ME?!?" he spat out, coming off a little more aggressive than he meant to.

Ed smiled again and laughed a little, thinking he had bothered Eddward enough with his blabbering. "Aw, don't worry about it, buckaroo! I just felt that you had been so helpful lately, so…"

"This is the first time I've seen Ed hurting so much!" Eddward tried to quickly come up with a solution for his friend's problem. "I want to help him, but I don't want him to find out about my psycho tutor!"

Eddward formulated some advice off the top of his head. "I…I suppose that you…should just put more effort into your drawing, I think."

"I am going to hell for this," he thought in his head.

"You're right!"

"Eh?!?"

Ed slapped Eddward across the back in a friendly manner. "I thought that's what it would be! Great minds think alike, I suppose!"

"Re-Really?"

"Yep! From today and onward, I, Ed, shall commit my life to becoming the greatest comic book artist that ever LIVED!"

The two boys shared a good laugh after that, and Ed wrapped Eddward in a headlock, which ordinarily would have greatly troubled the boy. Today though, he was just proud that his advice had actually helped somebody!

***

Later on, after cleaning up the kickball gear, Eddward went back to his dormitory room for a night of puzzle-solving and Chinese food. He removed his sneakers and uniform clothes and proceeded to put on a pair of sweatpants and a gray t-shirt that read "Whatever problems you have with math, I can assure you mine are greater." The boy pressed the button on his speaker phone. "May, are you there?" he asked.

"Yeah, what's up Double D?"

"I feel in the mood for Chinese food tonight; care to join me?"

"Sure! What do you want to order?"

"I'll have the sweet and sour shrimp."

There was a pause as May wrote down the order on a piece of paper. "Got it," she said a few seconds later. "You want anything else?"

"If you could bring a fruit bar, that would be perfection."

"Sure thing, Double D. I'll come by when the food gets here."

The two said their goodbyes, and then Eddward sat down on his desk chair and wheeled it over to a stack of jigsaw puzzles in their boxes. He was still smiling, even though the talk with Ed had been hours ago.

Reborn, who sat on Eddward's bed, polishing a flamethrower, noticed his student's smile and, without looking up, asked, "You seem awfully chipper, Edd; did something good happen today?"

"Oh Reborn, you won't believe this! Today, one of the most popular guys in my grade came to me and asked me for advice! Hmm, what to do what to do…" He began perusing through the puzzles before settling on a scenic landscape of an Italian city. "I'll have to throw that one away," he thought to himself as he put it back in the neat stack.

"Listen, about Ed Batson…"

"How did you know it was him?!"

The infant hitman ignored the boy's question and continued to speak. "You should make him one of your subordinates," he said, a frustrating smirk crossing his face.

"You want me to make one of my classmates a member of the mafia! Inconceivable!" Eddward smashed his fists onto his desk. "OUCH! I won't stand for this! Ed is a good boy, if a little dull in the head, but he has a burning passion about his cartooning; I want to help him as a friend!"

Reborn picked up the flamethrower on the bed and pulled the trigger, releasing a stream of flames from the weapon. "You ought to feel the burn for once, Edd." His student leaped away from the fire and began to beg for his life.

"On second thought," Reborn said as he put the flamethrower down, "Batson burns in a different way."

"You think so?!?"

Eddward checked around the room, and noticed that, though there had been flames chasing after him, nothing was badly burnt. "How is this possible?" he thought to himself. Leon, Reborn's shape-shifting chameleon, climbed up Eddward's shoulder.

"Leon turned into a fire extinguisher," Reborn said. "After all, he lives here too, y'know."

Before any more damage could be done to his room, Eddward heard a knock at the door. "Double D," May called, "I got dinner!"

Eddward glared at his professor. "This isn't over," he muttered as he walked to the door and opened it. May walked in, a bag full of boxes in her arms. She stopped and sniffed the air when she set the bags down on the table.

"Was someone smoking in here?" she asked.

"No," Reborn said as he hopped up onto his chair, "we were just playing a game. Right, Edd?"

"Whatever you say, Reborn."

***

The next day, it was bright and sunny. For once, Eddward was not paying attention in Calculus class, having memorized all the formulas and finished the homework the teacher was covering that day. He was sitting at his desk by the window watching a dragonfly flutter through the air lazily, its destination unclear. While he stared at the insect, Eddward noticed that there was somebody pacing around on the roof top across from his classroom.

"That's odd," he said in his mind. "He looks an awful lot like--"

Suddenly, a short, chubby student ran into the classroom, panic clearly written across his face. "Everyone!" he shouted, "Come quickly! Ed Batson's about to jump off the roof!" The students in the classroom paused in their note-taking, and then they began to laugh it off as some bad attempt at a joke.

"Ed, the goofy kid?"

"No way! Ed's not emo or anything!"

Dee-Dee and Veronica both scowled and said, "Don't even joke about that, Chowder."

"I'm being serious!" The chubby boy stopped to catch his breath. "When...when he stayed after school to practice his art, he worked too hard and broke his wrist!"

Eddward gasped. He remembered yesterday, how he had told Ed that the best he could do was to just work hard and put plenty of effort into each drawing that he did. It seemed as though Ed had taken the boy's words to heart. "Could this be my fault?!"

"Everyone, to the roof!" Mr. Crocker had no time to stop the students, as they were all running out of the classroom as fast as they could go. Ed's life was at stake! When they were all gone, the only ones left in the room were Eddward, Nazz, and an unconscious Denzel Crocker.

Nazz ran for the door and shouted back to Eddward, "Double D, let's go!"

"U-uh, you go ahead, N-N-Nazz," he said, "I have to…to use the bathroom."

***

High atop the Alpha Building of Peach Creek Academy, Ed Batson stood with a somber look on the narrow ledge that separated the roof from the open air. Today, he had decided to wear his favorite clothes: his lucky green jacket, his favorite pair of baggy jeans, the red-and-white striped shirt his mother had given him a year ago, and his favorite pair of black sneakers. He smiled, but it was filled with melancholy this time. The calming wind that blew through gently ruffled his messy, red hair and the cloth sling that hoisted his injured arm up and to his chest. The rusty fence he was standing against balancing against was the only thing that kept him from falling to the ground. Ed remained unfazed by the situation, even though there were already fifty or so students behind him, telling him not to jump.

"Ed!" Chester McBadbat shouted, "Come down, man!"

Timmy joined his friend in trying to save the red-haired boy. "Chester's right! You're just overreacting!"

Ed chuckled grimly. "Sorry, boyos, but this cowboy is serious. The monkey god that gave me my powers of imagination has left me; I can't feel anything in my head. There's nothing left for me now."

"He can't be serious!"

"That rusty fence could give out at any second!"

"ED! DON'T DO IT!" Dee-Dee and Veronica held onto each other, tears streaming down their faces, drenching their 'I LOVE ED' t-shirts.

While the other students were trying to talk their friend/idol down from the ledge, Eddward was cowering behind the giant satellite that stood a ways from the rest of the group. He had his hands clutched behind his head and was taking several short breaths in a vain attempt to calm down. "Lord, I never should have said those things! I can't even bear to face Ed right now!"

A small shadow appeared before him. "You want to help Ed," asked Reborn, "don't you? Then don't run away." The gun in his hand clicked, and he aimed the barrel at Eddward's head.

"Wait! Reborn, don't do it!" Eddward backed away, screaming, and then burst into a run in a vain attempt to get away from the assassin. "Don't shoot me!" He kept running forward, not really knowing where he was going, until he bumped into Lazlo's shoulder and fell to the ground. The pale boy took a look around him; he was now lying between the gathered students and Ed, who was surprised to see his friend there.

"Edd…"

The other students watched, their fears far from being alleviated. How was a hermit supposed to save Ed? Nazz wondered how this was possible as well, and she held her breath in anticipation.

Ed turned to face Eddward and said, "If you came to stop me, old friend, you're too late. Besides, you, above all other people, should know how I feel. I've got nothing left. I'm about as empty as the bottle aliens of Betelgeuse Seven."

"Huh?"

"They say that you're a freak when it comes to all those weird sciences and maths n' stuff; you must know what it's like, y'know, when everything goes wrong and you'd feel better off dead."

Eddward was flabbergasted. Even though he acted like he was a brainless fool, Ed was very wise and observant of people. "Uh, well…no," he said hesitantly, the words forming in his mouth. "No, we're not the same; you and I are different, Ed."

A flicker of anger appeared in Ed's eyes and he began to growl like a caged animal. "So now that things are going great for you, you're some sort of hoity-toity, fancy-pants hot-shot!? Now that you do everything right?!?"

"Wha…NO! You're mistaken, Ed! It's BECAUSE I am a failure! I've never put all my effort into any one thing like you did, Ed! Schoolwork? That's just to get into a good university and to find a well-paying job! Would I rather be good at other things? Yes, but I can't…

"Listen, I wanted to help you yesterday, so I told you what I thought you wanted to hear. "Work hard and put effort into it"? I've never done anything like you, Ed. Until recently, I had never spoken to a single person in our class, nor did I ever even try! Everything I said was just a lie; I'm sorry!

"Unlike you, I've never dealt with such heavy emotions as this: I've never felt so angry that I wanted to die, or so frustrated that I wanted to throw myself from a rooftop. I'm…I'm just a loser. I probably only seriously evaluate my life when I'm about to die. When I face my own death, I realize all the things I've failed to do in life…the things I wish I'd done, as if I knew my life depended on it. But something like this…it's not worth dying over."

All the students that could hear the speech were stunned. Was this how Eddward really felt? More importantly, was Ed going to be okay?

"So," Edd said as he cast his head down, "that's why I can't understand how you feel. Again, I'm sorry." Not wanting to see the look of shame on Ed's face, Eddward turned around and started to run for the stairs. "Goodbye!"

"Wait, Double D!" Ed reached out with a long arm and grabbed the back of Eddward's shirt. The boy, still running, slipped and fell back into the rusty fence. With a snap, the fence broke and both boys went falling through the air.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Nazz ran to the spot where the boys had fallen from. They were going to die!

Ed and Eddward were both screaming, and tears of fear were streaming out of Eddward's eyes as their impending doom came ever closer. Amidst their screaming and the cries from the top of the roof, no one heard the sound of a gun clicking in the school hallways two stories below.

"It's deathperation time," said Reborn as he fired the Vongola bullet right through the window and into Eddward's forehead as he passed by the window on his path to the ground.

As the blood flew from his head, the boy's body went limp. In his mind, Eddward thought, "My friend…I want to save my friend, Ed!" His body torso began to expand until…

"REBORN IN MIDAIR!!!"

Eddward, now fueled by the power of deathperation, burst out of his body, half-naked and his head adorned by a blazing fire. His eyes were glowing white, and he began to run down the side of Alpha Building. He shouted, "I'LL SAVE YOU LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!!"

Ed gaped for a second, then smiled broadly and shouted, "Way cool!" Nazz was thinking the same thing from her vantage point up above.

Using the power of deathperation, Eddward shot off the wall and wrapped his arms around Ed's body. When he tried to land against the school wall, he could not catch his footing. "DAMN!!!" he shouted. "I CAN'T STOP!!!" To ensure Ed's safety, Eddward twisted around until he was underneath Ed.

"One more shot," said Reborn as he fired an additional bullet into Eddward's scalp.

"AHHHHH!!!" the boy shouted as a lump formed on the spot where the bullet made contact. "MY HEAD…MY HEAD ITCHES!!! IT ITCHES!!!" An instant later, a giant spring burst out of Eddward's head, helping the boys land safely on the ground by bouncing into a field of grass.

From his vantage point in the window, Reborn looked out and down at Eddward and Ed. "If you hit the scalp with the deathperation shot," he said, "it becomes a Spring Shot. But I suppose you all already knew that."

Up on top the roof, the students were all marveling at what they had just seen.

"I don't believe it!"

"They're safe!"

"Not possible!"

"Maybe it was a joke by Ed using, like, wires or something?"

"Yeah, that must be it."

"What the hell?! I was seriously worried there for a second!"

"Come on guys, let's get back to class."

"So Edd really IS a big pervert."

***

"Ed!" Eddward made his way over to the injured boy, his deathperation flame disappearing. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Double D, you're amazing!"

"What?"

"I'm gonna do just like you said: give everything my all as if my life depended upon it! I'll be drawing in no time!" The thick-headed boy rubbed the back of his head with his good hand. "I don't know what I was thinking. There really is no telling what a genius might do when he gets depressed!"

Edd chuckled and smiled. "What makes you say that?"

"Say what, Double D?"

In his mind, Eddward thanked his psychotic teacher. "If it wasn't for the deathperation shot, Reborn, Ed wouldn't be here. Thank you."

***

_Eddward made a close friend that day, but that's not how Reborn saw it…_

As Reborn watched his student from the roof of the Alpha Building, he smiled and walked away, thinking to himself, "A new family member!"

***

Moments later, Eddward was running through the school building trying to find a place where he might change back into his clothes. The girls would shriek and the guys would call him a pervert, and Eddward would blush and hide his face in his arms out of embarrassment. He did not see that he passed by Nazz, nor did he see her smile out of pride for the once timid and weak student.


	7. Target 6: Russian RoulED

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN Katekyo Hitman Reborn NOR Ed, Edd n Eddy.**_

**Katekyo Hitman ED!**

By The Mauve Lantern

**Target 6: Russian Roul-ED**

On a lazy Sunday morning, the students of Peach Creek Academy were all relaxing, resting their bodies before having to return to their classes on Monday. Some were in their rooms, playing video games, while some were outside playing football. Some were reading a book underneath a shady tree, while others were writing their own books. Everyone was engaged in leisurely activity, except for one student: Eddward Carson. On that day, Eddward was rearranging his bedroom and all the items within; he had been up since five working on the task. When he placed his collection of pens back in their proper drawer, he sighed in relief and smiled.

"All finished!" he said as he pulled out a science journal from his bookshelf and plopped down onto his bed. "Thank heavens Reborn isn't here. If he were, he'd probably be telling me to get out and play football with Ed or learning how to hurl grenades from Eddy!"

As Eddward was reading about this teacher back in Dimmsdale, California, who was attempting to prove the existence of magical creatures, his eyes began to wander from the page. He noticed that there was something in his room that shouldn't have been there: Reborn's suitcase. The metal case was standing in the middle of the room, unguarded and unprotected; it was unlike Reborn to leave the bag alone.

Eddward placed the journal down. "Hmm, aren't all of Reborn's possessions in there?" he asked as he got off the bed. "Of course, the only things I've seen in there are weapons. Maybe…I'll just take a peek." He glanced around the room to make sure that no one was around, and then he cautiously reached his hand out to open the latches on the suitcase. When he flipped the first latch, a small metal band popped out of the case and wrapped around Eddward's wrist, pulling him to the floor and forcing his head onto the case. Next, a pair of metal rods popped out of the sides and clicked into place after rising two feet into the air; a metal bar came out of the left rod and connected with the other rod. From the horizontal bar came a razor-sharp blade, leaving Eddward in a miniature guillotine.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Eddward screamed in fear.

A digital clock appeared on the side of the case and began to count down. "10…9…8…"

BAM!

Eddward glanced at the door that had been opened and saw that his tutor, and the owner of this dangerous suitcase, had kicked his way into the apartment. "Just what do you think you're doing, Eddward?" he asked, even though it was obvious to him what was going on.

"Reborn, help me! Get me out of this infernal device!"

"Hey dude!" Eddward looked at the door again and saw that Reborn was accompanied by someone else. That someone was Nazz Williams, who was wearing a pair of white Capri pants, a blue tank-top and a pair of white sneakers. She smiled and said, "I had no idea that you lived here, Double D! Can I come in? What're you doing?"

"Na-Nazz! What're you…doing here?!" asked Eddward.

"First of all, signora," Reborn set about deactivating the trap on his suitcase, "this is a game for Eddward. He has to try and get out of this before the blade falls."

"I see!"

"And please, come on in!"

***

After Reborn released his student from the trap on his suitcase, Eddward had made some tea for the three of them as Reborn helped Nazz to a seat at the kitchen table. While the water was boiling, Eddward kept taking furtive glances at Nazz; he could not believe that the girl he pined for was now sitting at his kitchen table. When he served her a cup of tea, she had smiled at him, forcing a wave of crimson across his face.

He thought to himself, "Is this some kind of dream, or is it a miracle?! Nazz is ACTUALLY in my room!"

"How do you like the tea?"

"Oh, it's delicious, little dude!"

"Of course," Eddward grumbled, "she just HAD to come back with Reborn…"

The tutor took a sip of tea from the glass and then turned to his student. "I asked her to come over because I owed her money, Edd."

"Money?" he asked.

"Yes. I went to the coffee shop that is on campus…"

***

_Reborn, clad in his fancy, Italian suit, walked into the Starbicks and strode up to the counter. He reached into his coat and frowned, so then he turned to the girl who was at the cash register. "I'm sorry, I forgot my wallet at home today. Give me an espresso on credit, please."_

_The girl, who was a senior at the school, smiled awkwardly. "An espresso? Just who does this little kid think he is???"_

"_Little boy," she asked the hitman, "are you lost? Do you need me to call the police station?"_

_CLICK! Reborn had a gun drawn and ready in the blink of an eye. "Try it," he said. "The police station shall become a sea of blood."_

"_Wha- put that thing away, kid! I'll call the manager if you don't!"_

"_Are you feeling lucky, miss? I am lacking my morning caffeine, and I will-"_

_Just then, before Reborn pulled the trigger, a familiar girl walked up beside him. "It's okay," Nazz said to the cashier, "I'll pay for him."_

***

"And that's how it went," said Reborn as he finished the story and his cup of tea.

Eddward smiled as he busied himself by rearranging the books in his room. "I see!"

Reborn walked over to his briefcase and pulled out his wallet. From his wallet, the tutor withdrew three green bills. "Thanks, Nazz."

"Aw, you didn't have to do that!" The girl sipped on her tea and smiled. "I was happy to pay for you!"

"Well, since you're already here, why don't you make yourself at home," Reborn told her.

"I don't want to be a burden! Double D, do you mind if I stay here for a little bit?"

"N-N-N-Not at all!" he stammered out. In his mind Eddward let out a cry of happiness. "Bless you, Reborn!"

So, while Eddward set about cleaning up his room even more, Nazz and Reborn drank their tea slowly and quietly. Finally, after a few minutes, Nazz set her cup down and said, "I'm really surprised! So you live up here all by yourself, Double D?"

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes, I-I d-d-do."

"Wow," she exclaimed, "you're, like, so mature and grown-up!" Eddward's blush darkened and he hid his face in his books out of embarrassment; Nazz did not notice this. "But who would have thought that the cute little boy I met the other day was you're little brother, Double D?"

Reborn swallowed the tea that was in his mouth and politely said, "I'm not his brother, Nazz; I'm Edd's t-"

"COUSIN!" Eddward shouted as he dropped his books and covered Reborn's mouth with his hands. "He's my COUSIN!" "What would Nazz think" he thought, "if she found out that this baby was actually my tutor?!"

Nazz asked, "Woah, seriously? You guys sure get along great! I don't get to see my family that often, so I'm kinda envious of you, Double D."

"O-O-O-Oh, I'm s-s-s-s-sorry to hear that," he said. "I can't believe that Nazz is actually in my room and talking to me! ME, of all people!" Eddward's mind drifted off to Cloud 9. "She's so incredibly beautiful…Her beauty is so dazzling, I'm getting all choked up! Wait a minute, I think I actually am--"

"AGGGGHHH!" Eddward was indeed choking, but not because he seat across from the girl of his dreams, but because his tutor had broken free of his grasp and was now strangling the very life out of him.

"Don't you ever lay a hand on me again," Reborn hissed through gritted teeth.

Nazz clapped her hands together. "Wow, that's some great acting! Reborn, you look like you're actually choking Double D, and Double D, you're even faking foaming at the mouth!" She placed her hands in her lap. "You know, Double D, you've been just…just full of surprises lately."

As he regained the ability to breathe, Eddward had to wonder what she meant by that. "I'm full of surprises?" he asked himself. "What on Earth is she talking about?"

Just before he asked, a knock came from the door. "Double D, I've got some snacks!" May opened the door and brought in a tray of sugar cookies, minus the sugar. "I hope you don't mind, I made some extra for us to, y'know, just…" When she entered the room, she caught sight of Nazz. "…talk."

There was a moment of silence in the room as May surveyed Nazz and sized her up. She did not even bother to set down the tray of cookies. After saying nothing for three minutes straight, May said, "Hi! I'm Eddward's neighbor, May!" She was smiling, although Reborn could tell that it was faked.

"Hey, how's it going? I'm Nazz Williams. I'm in Double D's Chemistry class."

While both girls introduced themselves to each other, Eddward sat aside and thought about how awkward the situation seemed to be. Reborn could not have cared less about anything that happened.

"Hmmph," May growled in her mind, "She's hot. Like, she's really, REALLY hot! What is she doing in Double D's room?"

She laughed and slammed the cookie tray down on the table. May walked around to the other side of the table, making sure to bump into Eddward's chair along the way, and lightly shook Nazz's hand. "Thanks for taking such a pathetic guy for a boyfriend," May said, a sadistic twinkle in her eye. "I'm sure it's pretty tough on you!"

"Oh, i-i-i-it's not like that, May! I-"

"You need anything, just come right down the hall. I'm not going to bother you two love-birds." When she said "love-birds", there was a hint of venom and malice in May's voice. She walked out the room very rigidly, making sure to bump into Eddward's chair a second time, and slammed the door shut.

No one said anything after that, since Eddward and Nazz were both very embarrassed and Reborn was munching on a cookie. "I'm so sorry," Eddward said at last, "She's always jumping to conclusions like that! I don't know what gets into her head sometimes!"

"O-Okay," Nazz stammered.

To get rid of the awkward atmosphere, Eddward said, perhaps too loudly, "I know! How about we play a game?"

CLICK! "How about this?" Reborn held a pistol in front of his student.

"Wh-What in God's name are you doing?! Are you telling us to kill each other?!?"

"Of course not. We're going to play Russian Roulette!" He received a blank stare from Nazz and a horrified glare from Eddward. "Russian Roulette is a game of chance played with one gun and one bullet. You place the bullet into the revolver and then spin the cylinder. After that, you aim the gun at your forehead, as if suicidal, and then you pull the trigger. It is the ultimate test of luck."

Eddward reached for the gun in his tutor's hands, but the infant pulled it away. "Are you insane?!" he shouted. "Who in their right mind would risk their lives like that???"

"Wow, that sounds like fun!"

"Eh?"

Nazz was clapping her hands in excitement. "Let's try it out, Double D!"

Reborn pulled the trigger on the revolver, and there was a loud pop as a spring-loaded clown head popped out the front. "We'll be using a party bullet, of course, so it's perfectly safe."

"Of course," said Eddward, skeptically.

"Ohmigosh, that's so cute!" Nazz squealed. "Come on; let's try it, Double D!"

The hat-wearing boy's heart melted upon seeing her smile. "O-Okay, it sounds like fun!"

Reborn asked, "Okay, who wants the honor of going first?"

"I'll go! I'll go!" Nazz waved her hand in the air.

"Nazz it is."

The tiny hitman passed the gun to the girl, and she carefully held it in her hand. "W-Wow," she murmured, "I'm getting goose-bumps just HOLDING this thing!"

"My, she's so innocent!" Eddward sighed in his head. What had he done to deserve such a happy sight?

"Here I go!" she announced as she out the gun to her forehead and put her finger on the trigger. Eddward smiled broadly and even Reborn was smiling slightly when the gun went off with a loud BANG! Their smiling faces were shattered. Nazz's body lay upon the carpet of Eddward's apartment, a bullet hole in her head. Eddwward was stunned speechless by what had happened. Reborn only said one thing.

"Oh my," he said, "I accidentally loaded the gun with the Deathperation Shot."

"WHAAAAAAT?!?" Eddward rushed over to Nazz's unmoving body. "Dear God! Nazz!!"

In an attempt to calm his student down, Reborn told him, "If she were regretting something when she died, she might come back in Deathperation-Mode."

Eddward glared at his tutor. "How can you be so irresponsible?!" he shouted before turning back to Nazz. "Regret something?" he thought. "Nazz was so pure and innocent; it's near impossible that she has any regrets…"

He clenched his hands into fists. "If…if Nazz dies here," he growled at Reborn, "I'll do everything in my power to end your life!"

"Would you be quiet and look?" said the infant.

They turned back to Nazz's body and, sure enough, something was expanding inside her torso. Her stomach grew and grew until it was the size of a watermelon, and then it swelled even further until it finally popped open. Now, sitting in the old body of Nazz was the reborn Nazz, clad only in a white, frilly bra and panties. The flame on her forehead gave the tell-tale sign of deathperation. As she stood up, Eddward could see her milky-white thighs that were smooth as silk, her perfectly toned stomach, her petite breasts…

"Good lord!" The sight of the half-naked girl was too much for the boy, so he covered his eyes and averted his gaze. "I-I didn't see anything, Nazz!"

She wasn't paying attention to him, however. The reborn girl silently walked over to the door, opened it, and then walked out into the hallway. As Eddward watched her walk off with difficulty (he had to try very hard to keep his eyes on the back of her head and nowhere else), he asked Reborn, "Is that her deathperation-mode?"

"It appears that way. I guess Nazz just gets really quiet when she's deathperate."

Eddward was not paying attention. "Nazz…what could she possibly be regretting?" Then he realized that there was a half-naked girl walking through the hallway and he snapped back into reality.

"Curses!" he shouted. "We have to go cover her up! Reborn, bring me the sheets from my bed."

"I'll do it this time," the tutor said, "but in the future, you do NOT order me around."

"I don't care!"

***

While Eddward, Nazz, and Reborn had been enjoying their tea, sugar cookies, and suicidal games, May was in her room, mad to no end. There were two reasons for her anger: one, there was a girl that was better looking than her in Eddward's room; two, she had no idea WHY this made her so mad in the first place.

"Stupid frikkin' Double D," she grumbled, "What's so special about Nazz?"

To take her mind off of what happened earlier, she had decided to play her favorite game, _Laserblast!_, but so far, it was a pretty poor way to alleviate her frustration. This was because every time a human target came onto the screen, May imagined that it was either Eddward or Nazz.

When she obliterated a police officer, she shouted, "Die, you stupid creep!" and then she took a swig of soda from the open can that was next to her. She did not expect to have someone crash through her door, nor did she expect that someone to be Nazz Williams, clad only in her underwear.

"AAAAAAAHHH!" she screamed.

Nazz's face was cold and neutral, like a machine. "May, what you said earlier was unforgiveable. I'm going to have to ask you to take it back, no ifs, ands, or buts." She smacked the kitchen table in the small room and broke the table down the center.

"Wait, when she means "earlier", does she mean…" Eddward thought back to what May had said when she came into the room.

"Thanks," she had said, "for taking such a pathetic guy to be your boyfriend!"

"She's mad because May thought I was her boyfriend?!"

"Naturally," said Reborn.

Nazz grabbed the chair that May was hiding behind. "I'm very mad." She tossed the chair into the wall with no effort at all. "I'm mad because you slapped a label on him in such a careless way!" she said as she smashed the refrigerator. "And you did it without any consideration at all!"

When she destroyed the desk, May was out of places to hide. She ran screaming for her bedroom, but was caught by the suspenders of her blue over-alls. "I can't let you get away," said Nazz. "You need to take it back!" She lifted May off the ground and held her in the air by the front of her shirt. Nazz did not let her go, no matter how much screaming she did.

"Wh-Wh-Wh-What should I do?!" Eddward screamed.

Reborn sighed. "Guess there's no other way," he said as he popped open his suitcase. "Time for the One-Ton Reverse Method." He pulled out a large mallet that was only slightly smaller than he was.

"That's…that's just a hammer," said Eddward.

"No, it's a hammer that weighs one ton." To prove this, he let it drop onto the ground, where it smashed into the floor, creating a dent.

"O-O-One ton?! What are you plotting?!?"

Reborn did not answer his student; he just dragged the hammer along behind him, taking up some of the floor with him. Eddward shouted, "Don't do it, Reborn! I know what you're thinking, but--"

It was too late. Reborn jumped into the air and swung the mallet around before smacking it into the back of Nazz's head. The girl's face twisted in surprise when the bullet popped out of her forehead and fell to the ground amongst the scattered items of the room. She released May and fell to the ground, quite unconscious. May followed right behind her, passing out from the shock of having her room destroyed by a half-naked girl.

"Nazz! May!" Eddward draped a blue sheet over Nazz's body and then went to tend to May, who merely suffered a bump on the head from hitting the floor too fast.

Reborn turned to the apartment's fourth wall and lifted up the One-Ton Hammer. "This is the One-Ton Hammer," he said, "and it can disable the Deathperation Shot. Only I am capable of using this technique. Trust me; you won't be seeing it too often."

He looked at Eddward. "Now, Nazz'll just think that her time spent in deathperation was just a weird dream."

"If you had this, why didn't you use it at the very beginning?!"

***

Later that evening, things would be back to normal. Nazz was back in her room, working on her homework after getting done with her step-aerobics class. She took a sip from her water bottle and wiped her forehead with a towel. "Man, Cindy," she said to her roommate, "I had the weirdest dream today!"

"What happened?"

"I dreamed…I was trying to get Double D's friend to apologize for calling him "pathetic"."

"That is pretty weird. I think you may need to lay off the jawbreakers."

Nazz nodded in reply and then thought to herself, "Was it really just a dream?"

***

Meanwhile, in his room, after explaining to May that what she had seen was nothing more than a bizarre dream, Eddward crashed down onto his bed in a state of depression as Reborn looked on. "I don't want to live!" he screamed. "Not if Nazz hates me this much!"

KA-CHIK! "Shall I kill you then?"

"Don't you DARE!"


	8. Target 7: Cry Baby Phil

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN Katekyo Hitman Reborn NOR Ed, Edd n Eddy.**_

**Target 7: Cry Baby Phil**

"I suppose…he would be buried in the P-Pine Barrens?"

"Wrong."

Eddward's dormitory room was consumed in a massive explosion. At the moment, the studious boy was being quizzed on various mafia facts, such as where one would bury a dead body if one were in New Jersey. Otherwise, it was a very peaceful day.

When the smoke cleared out of the room, Eddward crawled out from behind the blast shield he had constructed earlier that week. "What sort of tutor teaches his students where to dispose of victims and then blows them up for answering incorrectly?!" he shouted.

"My sort," replied Reborn, the mafia tutor that was teaching Eddward how to be the boss of the Vongola family. "This is how I roll." Standing in front of Reborn were three boxes with levers on the top. If his student were to answer incorrectly, he would push down on the lever and the room would blow up in a spectacular fashion.

"That's SO unbelievably wrong!"

"You said you were going to read up on this so that I might loan you money for a new Scientific Journal."

"At the rate I'm going," Eddward paused to wipe away the soot and sweat on his brow, "I'll be dead before I see a single cent from you!" The boy leaned back and sat down on his cushion. His blast shield was still in his hands.

_Why do I have to spend my day off from classes learning the proper manner of assassination?_ Eddward readjusted his hat. For once, he wished he was not taking a quiz. He was not in the mood for one of Reborn's shenanigans today. He was dressed in his model-making clothes: a plain white t-shirt, a pair of grey sweatpants, and a pair of black Converse All-stars. Bored, he looked out the window and spotted something very peculiar. It was so peculiar, it made him shout, "What th- ?!"

Outside, perched on a tree branch, was a little boy, no bigger than Reborn, who had a black handgun drawn and aimed at Eddward's tutor. The child had a very flat face, with a button nose and two very round eyes. His hair was a dirty brown and was as fluffy and ratty as a torn ball of cotton. He was wearing an all-over body suit that was green and had white ducks printed all over. The boy was cackling like a madman.

"Okay," said Reborn, "let's review what we just covered, shall we?"

"Hey, Reborn! There's a-"

The boy shouted, "Die, Reborn!" and closed one eye as if he were aiming.

"If the target is in a crowded area, we'll use this type of gun…"

"Reborn, there's a weird little boy out there wearing ducky pajamas! Look out the window! Hurry!"

"Take that!" The boy pulled the trigger, but all that came was a click. "Huh?" Another pull, another click. Pull, click, pull click.

_Oh, crud-monkeys! I was playing 'Starter Gun' yesterday and I used all my ammo!_ The boy looked slightly embarrassed as he remembered how he spent all of yesterday shouting, "Ready, GO," and then firing off a round of ammo over and over in the Peach Creek Park. He was pulled from his memory by the crack of the branch he was sitting on. The branch broke off from the old oak tree, sending the odd boy crashing to the ground five stories below. He hit the soil with a loud "KUP-YAH!"

Edd ran to his window and looked out at the boy. "Mercy! What in the world was that?"

The boy pushed himself off the ground. Tears were forming in his eyes. He mumbled, "Gotta…stay…calm…" and then ran around the side of the building, where Eddward could not see him.

_How very odd. For some reason, I don't think that's the last we've seen of that boy…_

"Are you paying attention, Edd?"

"Yes, sir!"

***

The peculiar boy ran around the building until he was at the front door. He jumped up to hit the handicap button, opening the door automatically. So excited was he, he shouted, "Rebooooorn! Come out and plaaaaaayyyyy!" as if he were in some old film about gangs in New York. He rushed past the front desk, giggled madly all the way up the steps, and then rushed past May Kanker, who was just leaving Eddward's room.

"What the heck was that?" May asked herself. "It looked like a…kid in a ducky shirt. I swear," she sighed, "this place is getting way too freaky."

Having infiltrated Reborn's hideout, the little boy laughed victoriously. "GWA-HAHAHA! Success!" His voice was very nasal and grubby, like a tiny, disgusting man. He decided to announce his entrance. "We meet again, Reborn! It is I, Phil DeVille!"

"Good Lord," shouted Eddward, "he came in! Reborn, do you know him?"

Reborn passed Eddward a map. "Here, remember these dumping grounds." He was completely ignoring Phil and his student.

"Huh?"

Phil did not take kindly to being ignored, so he growled, which sounded not at all threatening, and then lunged at Reborn with a carving knife he had pulled out of his bodysuit. "Hey, don't turn your back on me! I'll kill you, bitch!" Reborn responded to the attack by moving slightly backwards and backhanding Phil into the wall across the room.

"Mercy!" Eddward felt the urge to go and check to see if the boy was all right, but he felt an even bigger urge to just let the problem be. _What sort of messed-up relationship could he possibly have with my lunatic of a tutor?!_

Slowly pushing himself from the wall, Phil began to talk again. "Ouch, that hurt. I think I tripped over something." He then burst out laughing, despite the fact that there was a dent in the wall from where he had hit it. His nose was also bleeding profusely. "I, Phil DeVille, an assassin of no more than five years of age, who hails from the Scarafaggio Famiglia, tripped! I love to eat gummy worms and chocolate pudding, and I, the great Phil Deville, who met Reborn in a seedy bar last month, just TRIPPED!"

_He's trying far too hard for an introduction…_

Phil wiped the blood away from his nose and began to stroll over to Reborn with a spring in his step. "Let me start over! Reborn, it's me, Phil! Remember me?"

"Eddward, these types of shovels are the cheapest." Reborn paid zero attention to the little boy.

"Um, of course."

_Perhaps if Reborn can ignore him, I might be able to as well!_

Phil stood in the corner of the room, shunned, but sprung back to life and traipsed over to Reborn with a satchel strung over his shoulder. "I brought you some great stuff from Italy, Reborn! Let's see…oh, I gotcha these honey bars! Ooh, they're still sticky…"

"I believe that the best place for the body would be…deep in the bog?"

"That's correct. You're improving at this."

"Why am I not so excited about that?"

Ignored once again, Phil curled up into a ball and turned away from Eddward and Reborn so that they would not see him crying. He continuously mumbled to himself, "Gotta…stay…calm…"

_Oh dear, I think he's crying…_

Suddenly, Phil spun around and held out his hands in an attempt at a spooky look. His face contorted as if he was trying to be menacing. "Gwa-hahaha!" he exclaimed, "The boss gave me some great weapons to show you! These are the gems of the Scarafaggio Famiglia!"

_Looks like he's trying a different sales pitch…_

"Ta-DA!" Phil pulled a large, purple bazooka from the satchel. It was slightly larger than he was, and looked very devastating. "It's the Ten-Year Bazooka! If you are shot with this miraculous weapon, you switch places in time with yourself from ten years into the future for five minutes! It's SO cool!"

_I'm…I'm actually interested in that, I must say…_

"But this is just a sample presentation, so bleh!" Phil stuck his tongue out at Reborn, who still had yet to even look at Phil.

_Drat._

"I'll just put it away for later!" The small boy continued to rummage around in his satchel until he found something interesting. "Oh boy! I think I found something good!" He stood up with the object in hand, but it was far from anything good. It was a pink grenade, and the pin was already drawn. "Woah, what do you think this is?" he asked, even though he clearly knew the answer.

Eddward screamed, "What?! A hand grenade?! How did that even get past airport security?!?"

"That's right! Die, Reborn!"

Phil ran forward and threw the grenade at his target, but it was volleyed back by Reborn, who did not even blink. The grenade smacked Phil in the face and sent him flying out into the hallway. Both he and the grenade landed side by side, and there was a magnificent explosion that shook the entire floor. Most students who were inside at that time simply shook it off as one of Eddward's crazy study sessions with that weird kid in the Italian suit; they did not know how right they were.

Having just seen a child be blown up, Eddward turned to his tutor and asked, "Don't you think that was overkill?"

"Doesn't matter. Next question," was the reply.

"Do you really know that hyperactive boy?"

"I don't."

"Then how does he know you?"

"I'm pretty popular. Besides that, the Scarafaggio Famiglia is a small-time mafia group. I don't associate with those who crawl in the dirt."

_Good Lord, he's so cool…_

Before they could get back to Eddward's studies, there was a knock at his door. "Hey, Eddward? You got a second?" It was May, and she sounded a little miffed. Eddward walked over to open the door and found May standing there. She was wearing a yellow and white striped tank-top that had no sleeves, a purple skirt that went down to her mid-thigh, and a pair of red sandals. The top of her head was covered by a red baseball cap, and she had an additional accessory wrapped around her leg: the lightly-toasted body of Phil. He was covered in burn marks and was crying his eyes out, but otherwise, he was fine.

"This little weirdo is one of Reborn's friends, right? Can you tell him to leave me alone?" May was not exactly well-known for her love of small children. "He's really upset about something; the kid won't stop crying! Did he and Reborn have a fight?"

"You have no idea…"

"Well, whatever. You're older then the two of them combined, plus you're like a younger, whiter Gandhi. You figure it out." With that, she tore Phil off of her leg and said, "I'll pick us up some supper in a little while!"

"Sounds gre- huh?" Eddward felt a pressure on his leg and discovered that the pressure was Phil DeVille clinging to his calf and rubbing his face into the older boy's sweatpants. "Let go of me, you confounded, disease spreading machine!" He tugged on Phil's large, round head, but this did little to help. _Dear God in Heaven, I can feel his tears and snot seeping through the cloth…_

Finally, Eddward asked, "Do you want me to call Reborn? Would you like another shot at taking him out?" This only served to scare Phil, who began to roll around and shriek in terror. _Oh my, it seems he's been traumatized by this whole ordeal._

The studious boy walked past May's open door and said, "I'm heading to the park, May, and I'm taking Phil with me."

"Be back in an hour, or I'm calling the police!"

***

_Why me?_

Eddward was walking through the small Main Street that was in Peach Creek, the small town that was near the academy. There was not much to look at, really, but it was an enjoyable experience, on a regular day, to just stroll around and see the sights. But when one has a crazed toddler straddling their leg, it can be not so pleasant, which was the current case. Phil had yet to stop crying, and it almost pained Eddward. _He's still crying…and it's been eighteen minutes! I can't believe the mere mention of Reborn's name would drive him to such terror…_

When they neared the candy shop, Eddward stopped and asked, "Phil, would you like some candy? They have these fantastic gummy worms and jawbreakers here." The little boy nodded his head slowly, so his babysitter walked into the shop. He was greeted by Sam, the owner of the shop, and Carl, the plucky student who worked part-time at the store.

"Good afternoon, gents!" Eddward exclaimed as he walked through the door.

"Oh, hi, Double D! Who's the short guy?"

"Oh, he's, um…a friend of Reborn's."

"Well, take him outside! He's getting my floor covered in snot and tears, yeh!"

"I'll be out momentarily, Sam; I just need," Eddward paused to browse the shelves of candy, "a package of gummy worms and a strawberry jawbreaker."

"Sure thing." Sam picked out the boy's selection and tossed them at him. "Here ya go, yeh!"

Eddward dropped the exact amount of money into Carl's hand and waved goodbye. "And Carl," he said on the way out the door, "don't forget that we have a History test tomorrow!"

"Thanks for reminding me, Double D!"

***

After they left the shop, Eddward took Phil to the park, and the two of them sat on a nearby bench and watch the sun begin setting. Some children were running around on the jungle gym while their mothers kept half an eye on them. A group of elementary school boys were practicing Little League Football over on the other side of the field. At that moment, Eddward and Phil were in the perfect spots to watch the action.

Phil wiped away the rest of his tears as he nibbled on his gummy worms. "M…my dream is to be the boss of Scarafaggio Famiglia and…make the whole world bow down before me…"

_His face is so sad, but the words coming out of his mouth are just plain scary!_

"But my boss said, "If you want to be boss, you must take out a first-class assassin like the Mafia Tutor, Reborn!", so here I am."

_First-class assassin?!_

"So, Phil, have you actually MET Reborn before!"

"Duh! About a few months ago, the boss took me to a bar for the very first time. It was so wonderful! The smell of those funny drinks, the funny ladies that kept sitting on the men's laps, the funny music playing in the background. It was so cool! And then I saw him: Reborn.

"He was seated at the bar, all by his lonesome, so I thought I'd pop in and chat. We had a lot in common, he and I, and we talked forever, even though we had just met! While I, Phil DeVille, was eating my beloved chocolate pudding, Reborn was blowing gum bubbles from his nose!"

_That's a sure sign that Reborn was just sleeping!_

Eddward noticed that Phil was no longer crying, so he stood up from the bench. "Well," he said, "you seem like you're feeling better now. I'm heading back to my home; it's time for supper." As soon as he said this, Phil freaked out and latched onto the older boy's leg again, only this time, his nose was not running nor was he crying. "Let go of me!" he cried, but this did no good.

_Does he like me or something?!_

***

When they arrived back at Eddward's dorm room, May was just finishing setting the table. She was dishing out lasagna to each plate, although Eddward could see the Pizza Hut boxes that were lying on the counter. He told her that Phil was going to be having dinner with them. The girl scoffed and said, "Whatever. I'm eating a little later anyway, so it's fine. I'll be out passing out some information to the members of the Aikido club, so I'll be back in a little while! Try not to blow things up and boys, if you have any problems, feel free to bother Edd." With that, May departed quickly, not wanting to be around Phil any more than necessary.

_It most certainly is NOT fine! I'll be eating dinner, surrounded by homicidal toddlers!_ Eddward sat properly in his chair, digging into the Tuscani lasagna, while Reborn quietly chewed on his. Phil was left all by himself on the other side of the table, sweating up a storm out of sheer nervousness. There was an awkward silence that filled the air.

Eddward leaned over to Reborn and whispered to him, "Reborn, you have to do something! I can't handle this infantile boy any longer!" His tutor did not pay any attention to him. "Fine then! Ignore me!"

Phil anxiously swallowed a piece of sausage and then chucked his knife at Reborn's head, shouting, "Die, Reborn! Take THIS!" Reborn easily deflected the projectile with his fork and sent the knife flying right into the center of Phil's forehead. It did not go very deep, but it went far enough that there was blood trickling down his head. The small boy's face was in utter shock.

_Sweet Jesus and Mary!_

At long last, the weight of the day and all his beatings seemed to catch up with him. Phil burst into tears and began to shriek and holler in pain. He reached down onto the floor and began fishing through his satchel.

_What does he plan on doing about that knife in his head???_

"What th-?!" Phil had pulled out the Ten-Year Bazooka and, through the use of a string, had implemented a way for himself to pull the trigger. "It's that Ten-Year Bazooka! Is he going to shoot himself?!" Still bawling , he tugged tighter and tighter on the string until…

KRAK-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM

A pink cloud of smoke filled the dining area, though the smoke detectors did not go off. Eddward was flabbergasted at what had just occurred, while Reborn contentedly ate his lasagna. A quiet "Phew!" came from the cloud of smoke, and it started to break apart. When the smoke dissipated, it left behind a very tall and handsome young man.

The man, who looked to be about the same age as Eddward, was tall and lanky, with ropy arms and legs. His brown hair was all messy but in a way that would be deemed fashionable, and it covered one of his eyes. He was wearing a small neck chain made of gold, a green shirt that was covered with white ducks, a pair of white pants that were very slim, black shoes, and a black jacket. One eye opened lazily while a hand was raised to brush away the long hair in his face.

"Aw geez, it looks like I've been shot with the Ten-Year Bazooka. And just when I was having such a good time in Las Vegas." His voice was smooth and swarthy, almost like a young Sinatra. He looked around Eddward's apartment and then settled on the owner. "Hey, long time, no see, young Vongola X!"

Eddward was left speechless "What th…Don't tell me this person is-?!"

"Yep, it's me, Phil DeVille, the crybaby. Thanks for taking care of me all those years ago."

"Say what?!" Eddward remembered how Phil had described the bazooka: a person shot with the Ten-Year Bazooka will automatically switch places with their ten-year-older self for five minutes.

_No way! That gross little boy turned into this charming, handsome fellow?!_

Phil turned his attention to Reborn, who continued to eat pasta. "Hey Reborn, long time no see. It's me, Phil, the one you always used to ignore?" When Reborn did not look up, the older Phil grimaced.

_Dear God, Reborn, stop ignoring him!_

Suddenly, Phil smiled. "Well, I guess I'll have to use IT." He pulled out a pair of red horns that seemed like they belong on a beetle. "I'll show you just how much my skills have changed in just ten years. Thunder Set!" A bolt of lightning crashed through the window and went right into the beetle horns on Phil's head.

"My horns can carry a million volts," he said as he bowed down into a runner's start.

"What?! This can't BE!!"

"Die, Reborn!" Phil charged forward, lightning crackling from the horns on his head. "Electrico Scarafaggio!" He drew near Reborn and got close enough that the hairs on the assassin's head began to stand up. Unfortunately, that's when Reborn stuck a fork into Phil's scalp.

The blood was pouring from his wound. Both Eddward and Phil were surprised at the outcome, though Phil took it a lot harder. He mumbled to himself, "Gotta…stay…calm…" This mantra did not work, as he began bawling and then ran out the door.

_He hasn't changed at all in TEN YEARS?!?_ Eddward glanced down at Reborn, who was almost done with his pasta. _Oh_ _my, Reborn really is terrifying._

***

Ten minutes later, May showed up at the doorway more than a little peeved and with Phil in tow. "Hey, Edd!" she shouted, "I told you to be the peacekeeper, didn't I?" Phil was still crying rivers.

_He's back to normal!_

"Phil says he wants to be friends with Reborn, so you have to help these two, okay?"

_He wants to be friends? Well, if I think about it, he HAS been trying to get Reborn's attention all afternoon. He truly is a special child…_

"That was all a lie!" Phil charged forward and threw five grenades at Reborn. "Die!" Reborn deflected the grenades with his plate and they bounced right back at Phil, sending him out through the door and the nearby hall window. The following explosion was magnificent.

While Eddward and May looked out the window in shock, Reborn politely wiped his mouth on his napkin and said, "More please, signora!"


End file.
